The Fabricated Goddess

And One More Time With Feeling!

2008-05-22T12:49:00.000-07:00

Okay, I know I said we moved over to a new .Mac site. I am aware that it hasn't even been a whole year. But here's the thing. That new site would only work on some people's computers. So even though I poured my heart and soul into designing it, I'm giving it the old heave-hoe and setting up shop over at Typepad. So, until further notice come check out the new site which is still under considerable construction at Fabricated Goddess. I'll be updating there from now on. All of my old Blogger archives have been transferred already and I'm working on copying over the newer stuff. This site shall remain as is for the time being.

We've Moved!

2008-02-01T13:35:00.000-08:00

This blogspot is currently inactive because we've moved to www.fabricatedgoddess.com. This is just a friendly reminder to follow the link and come find me at my new internet digs.

October 2007

2008-02-01T12:25:00.000-08:00

October 3, 2007 :: Fun With Photobooth.... I should be busy tidying up all the loose ends from my website transfer. I should be finishing linking up my blogroll and adding all my archived posts from my old site. I SHOULD be cleaning my house from top to bottom in preparation of MONICA. Instead I’m over at S-A’s watching her kids while she takes a course, and playing with PhotoBooth. My new favourite pastime. YAY! This is what happens when Mrs. Hussey is in charge for the day. Sorta conjures up words like sophisticated, intellectual, and of course, scintillating. Ah, yes. That’s just the sorta gal I am. October 12, 2007 :: Not Sure... Okay so I’m not sure how I get myself into these things, but here it is. Friday already and the opening of the one act that I’m in for a one-act play festival. We, how shall I say this, are a train wreck. Yesterday at the tech and dress rehearsal we were the empitome of a gong show. None of us could remember our lines, we giggled thru the sound effects (a cow bell for pity’s sake? don’t even get me started) we guffawed, snorted and stumbled thru missed cues and homemade sound effects (whoosh? is that something a witch would actually say whilst casting a spell?) in short is was a disaster. An absolutely, positively wonderfullly hilarious disaster. I’m still giggling today. I’m nervous as heck that the same thing will happen tonight in front of an audience. But I’m praying that my sense of professionalism and decorum will kick in and I’ll keep a straight face - at least until we’re offstage and the whole thing is done. Honestly, I’m so nervous I’m tied in a knot. So wish me luck. I’m postitive we need it, if only to keep a straight face. October 15, 2007 :: Spinning Toward Nowhere... Sometimes I feel like I’m just spinning but not getting anywhere. Okay, that’s a lie. Most of the time I feel like I’m spinning and getting nowhere. Perhaps that’s normal. Perhaps it’s just the way things are in life - you can’t ever really see your destination even when you think you are purposefully pursuing a destination. Maybe it’s not. I guess I just figured that by the time I’d reached the age I am now that I have so much more figured out. That I’d have some sense of the direction my life was taking and an established pursuit. In so many ways I am aware that raising children and schooling them, and fostering their gifts and talents IS a powerful and worthy pursuit but it just doesn’t feel like my calling. And so I spin and spin and grasp at whatever comes my way. I wedding planned for a while. I’ve tried to sell stuff in that home-based business style. I’m involved in community theatre. I help people pick colours for their homes. I sew - sometimes for me, sometimes for others. I dabble in this and I dabble in that. I squander my energy and my focus. I exhaust my patience. I lure myself thru life hopping from one pursuit to the next. I recognize that this is unhealthy. I recognize the escapist tendencies in my behaviour. I recognize that I have to find a way to find a focus that isn’t destructive to myself or to others. And I’m working on it, people. I’m working on it. October 26, 2007 :: Gearing UP OR Why Am I Making This Face... Apologies for the silence over here. I’ve signed up for NaBloPoMo once again this year - which means I’ve been over here conserving energy and trying to come up with enough stuff to blog about every day for the month of November. I’m working on a schedule because that did actually help last year. It’ll probably be similar to the old list, just slightly tweaked. I’ll eliminate the recipes since I think I only did one. Also? Well, I’m pretty much doing away with any semblance of a schedule, because that’s just too structured for a whacky, read the magazine from the back type artsy like me. So here’s what I’m proposing. 1. I’m commited to writing little tributes to a bunch of people who I feel have impacted my life, taught me something, blessed me, etc. Kinda a NaBloPoMo version of this idea. So I’m making that list. Never know, you might be on it. 2. I’m going to try (I said try, don’t look at me like that already) to sketch in my book everyday. Lately I’ve been kind of privately lamenting all the things that I used to do that I feel too rusty at to try anymore. Singing and drawing are two things I used to feel sort of competent at and then life intervened and I just stopped making the time. Inspired by this book (I found a 1969 version Nicolaides “The Natural Way to Draw” at a used book store recently) all the familiar words beckoned me to try again and recall my university studio days, gesture drawing nekkid models. I promise to be worksafe if you promise not to laugh at my rusty ability. 3. “Words I Love” will probably make a comeback. 4. “Letters to Strangers” may abound, depending (apparently) on how hormonal I get. I’m betting I’ll start feeling feisty as this month rolls along. 5. “Things You Didn’t Need To Know About Me” No, not those kind of things. Quirky stuff, like the fact that I have to put my clothes on in a certain order. Underwear, bra, sock. Never NEVER socks first, because naked except for socks just feels so very wrong. Expect the usual musings to make appearances too. I think I should be able to fill something in everyday. Well. Here’s hoping anyway. PS: Anyone interested in a booby prize like last year? I could totally make something like I did last year and throw all your names in a hat. If you ARE interested, drop a comment. October 31, 2007 :: That Time of Year Again.... My children (like all children, I suppose) are excited about Halloween. It’s the candy. I remember feeling the same way - especially because my mum was kind of health food nut who back in the 70’s tried out all the new health foodie stuff on us, her two least willing but most readily available lab rats. So instead of Kraft creamy peanut butter we had freshly ground peanut butter - no additives - carob instead of chocolate, and homemade granola instead of Wagon Wheels. At Halloween though, she had no choice but to sit by and watch us devour real, honest to goodness treats instead of their paltry health food cousins. It was glorious. We each had one of those plastic trick-or-treating jack-o-lanterns that we stored our goodies in and I savoured each and every morsel of chocolately sugar coated goodness sometimes making that stash last well into December. That being said, now that I’m a mum, I sort of hate to admit that Halloween is my least favourite holiday. It’s hyperactive, sugar induced, delusional (and sometime verging on hysterical) behaviour makes me want to give it a very long and well deserved time-out. Nor do I enjoy the Idiocy that seems to follow Halloween around like a sycophant. Fireworks? Vandalism? Using a children’s holiday as a good excuse to dress like a tramp or a demon? Not my cup of potion. Still it’s hard to deny the draw for kids when I so vividly remember the excitement and energy that I felt on Halloween. Dressing up? Getting candy? Staying up past your bedtime - on a school night? What’s not to love? Although I have my suspicions this year that the candy factors in much higher than anything else. The biggest clue? They’ve decided that this year they are going as cardboard boxes. Literally. Now, isn’t that just about the most brilliant ruse to get candy you’ve seen all day? I thought so.

September 2007

2008-01-01T12:20:00.000-08:00

September 30, 2007 :: Rainy Days and Sundays... Just another rainy Sunday afternoon. I’m sipping tea and mulling over my busy week. I spent the better half of last week at a learning styles seminar. I am now officially certified at level one....which means nothing really except that I can read my learning style profile and that of my family’s and make heads and tails of them. That and I can make a pretty graph about it. Beyond that though, I came away with a sense of newfound purpose. Not because the Learning Success institute ladies Victoria and Mariaemma converted me to a new way of thinking but because in so many ways this week my instincts and intuitions were validated. Don’t get me wrong, I was challenged in some areas. But, overall, my underlying belief that the best way for me to facilitate Ethan (and Finn’s too) learning is to back off, find the path of least resistance and in general let them be who God created them to be. This is much much harder than it sounds. I must constantly remind myself what is at stake, how I will defend my position, and in the end, to whom I truly answer if I get this wrong. Last year was our first year of homeschooling. I put a lot of pressure on myself to set up school at home and although we made progress last year - we reached all our milestones and then some - I will freely admit that neither Ethan nor I were estatically happy with how last year functioned. That’s not to say there weren’t some shining moments. There were. I just can’t really remember very many. We decided this year should be different. We discussed a number of options. Tutors, full time school, Montesorri. I spent hours asking myself, asking God, asking anyone who would listen which one was the right one for E. And then, just before school started this fall, it came to me. Just leave him alone. Really. See, there are three ways to ripen a tomato. You can pick it early, put it on the counter and it will eventually ripen. You could get all scientifically fancy and spray it like the mass produced tomatoes you get at the super market that are suspiciously hard and pale. Or you could, YOU COULD just leave that tomato on the vine and have faith that it will ripen all on it’s own when the time is right. After this last week, I have absolutely no doubt that my vine ripened tomato will be the far superior product in the end. September 28, 2007 :: What If... What if today I stopped thinking that my kids were out to get me? What if I stopped thinking that they were trying to make my life difficult? What if I started to take the time to engage them first instead of last? What if I started remembering what it was like to be a kid? What if I remebered how it felt to be yelled at? What if I started to think about how it felt to be lectured? What if today I tried to imagine how I would want to be treated if I were a kid? What if I was the one who tried to change instead of trying to change my kids? What if.....

Today Is THE Day....

2007-09-24T09:45:00.000-07:00

May I present to you www.fabricatedgoddess.com I'm so please to tell you that my new site is up and running. I'm still copying over my archives and tweaking the new site, which given my questionable computer skills may take a while. This site will remain up too, so you'll still be able to come here and poke about. Thanks everyone who stops by, reads, encourages, and laughs along with me. You mean more to me than any words on this page could ever express.

Ode To A Cucumber: A Photo Booth Essay...

2007-09-18T12:55:00.000-07:00

This shocking cuke came in our organic produce box last week. I have no words for this. I give you a Photo Booth essay instead. ODE TO A CUCMBER: Organic, to say the least. *takes a bow* My cucumber and I thank you. [Edit: this essay documents my thought process of "Holy Mother of Pearl if this is what organic cucumbers look like these days, then what on earth do the chemically enhanced, mass produced ones look like? Are cukes going to take over there world?? I'm somewhat frightened and oddly preplexed." except I couldn't say any of that because I was too stupified. Yes. By a cucumber.]

Half A Night's Sleep.....

2007-09-18T07:50:00.000-07:00

Last night I had one of those nights. You know? Where you go to bed, fall asleep fine, and wake up two and a half hours later for no apparent reason. Then you lay in bed for two, maybe three and a half (who's really counting) hours hearing every little night sound (reads: every downtown asshole and junkie walking by your conveniently located stones-throw-from-downtown house, you know, smashing bottles and yelling shit) feel every twitch and think about every thing that ever did and ever will happen in your lifetime. And if your me, you can throw in the inexplicable neurotic itch factor. I shall call it the "jimmy itch". This is where your body randomly decides to itch not only spontaneous but also simultaneously all over, forcing you to start scratching like a monkey. In the middle of the night. While trying not to wake your spouse. Charming, no? Here's the list: (you knew I'd get there eventually) -Fret endlessly about the unfolded/unwashed laundry. And the fact that there is an entire beach bag (don't ask) of socks I've neglected to match up. Why can't they just match themselves? -Compile a list of to-dos while berating self for not having done everything there ever was to do already. C'mon kid, get with the progam this stuff won't do itself. -Worry that I'm looking old. More lines, more grays....ACK is that some saggy skin? Those dark circles under my eyes are actually bags? No wonder I can't camoflage them with coverup! What? I'm only 36! Wait. I'm 36? When did that happen? Seems like I was just 27 yesterday. Oh, right. That was before I had children and had my brain SUCKED INTO A GIANT VACUUM OF SPACE AND TIME!!! I've been home for almost a decade taking care of my family AND LOOK WHAT IT"S DONE TO MY FACE! By the time I am ready to get on with my life, it'll be half over or more. OH GOD! -Ahem -Worry that I'm doing everything half assed. Housekeeping? Sucks. Schooling Ethan? Oh yeah, totally screwing him up, I'm sure. Artistic endeavours? What are those....I'm pretty sure the painting and sewing part of my brain has shrivelled up and died. Writing? Oh why bother. The best I can come up with is this blog which I think a reader once summed it up best when they said, "Hey I read your blog. Sometimes there's some funny stuff in there." Ooookay, let's see, what else am I bad at. Acting? Ha! Got a small part in a one act play. Which I'm postive I suck at. Wait, I don't suck....I'm "okay". Now if only I could remember my lines. -Worry that the small bump just right of my chin is a carcinoma of some kind. -Worry that I'm drinking too much wine. But seriously, you try staying home all the time, and being responsible for everything. Schooling. Housework. Cooking. Laundry. Scheduling and transportation of all small people to all extra curricular activities. Discipline. Can't let them turn into jevenile delinquents. Because we all know that it's the mother who gets blamed for this stuff. It's always the mother. Heart palpitating, having trouble breathing. Wait. Maybe my problem is I'm not drinking enough wine? -Must.Learn.Lines. -Make a note to look into facial excercises to fight the signs of aging. -Look into herbal sedatives. Yes. Great. Good. -Or tranquillizers. -Worry that my children are not getting enough attention. Or excercise. -Worry that all this worrying and not sleeping is making me LOOK EVEN OLDER. -Wonder why I only worry about this stuff IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. Dunno. Just seems more convenient.

And/Or.....

2007-09-17T19:07:00.000-07:00

OR we could just drink copious amounts of wine and hope for the best. Yep. That sounds about right.

It's......

2007-09-17T08:47:00.000-07:00

It's first sips of coffee and cool crispy air. It's feeling all the possibilities. It's plunging in. It's all or nothing. It's one step, one breath, one word at a time. It's knowing and doing instead of just wanting. It's a large helping of fear served with a side of resolve. It's backing up and trying again. It's leaving that tomato on the vine. It's one eye on them, one to the future. It's ears tuned to Him. It's not looking back.

First Days.....

2007-09-13T13:30:00.000-07:00

So this week marks again just one of the many, many “first” days. First day of spring. First day of work. First day of the rest-of-your-life. First day of school. Finn started kindergarten this week and it was as momentous a day as one would expect. He was bored of “this old playground”. He was trepidatious about the new lunch bag. He was disdainful of the new back pack (which for the record IS navy blue, even though he now claims it is a tinge purple, therefore unacceptable). He was unimpressed by the centers and downright bored by ‘circle time’. He slouched around his new classroom with his hands angrily buried in pockets or crossed rather, um well, crossly on his wee defiant chest. It’s hard to say the reason. He’s a social creature by nature and one (meaning me) would expect (DID, in fact) that he would have been thrilled to be a school - real school - at long last. He sat on the carpet at circle time and glowered at the teacher and other bright-eyed children. Finally he raised his hand and, to his credit, waited patiently for the teacher to notice him. She inquired sweetly, ‘Yes, Finn?’ and he replied, with all the attitude and force that only a 13 year old girl (not unlike a few I know) might be able to match, ‘I’m grumpy today and I don’t like school.’ To which his new teacher, with infinite wisdom and grace, replied, ‘Thanks for sharing your feelings Finn.’ and moved right along. No fussing. No pandering. No searching in vain for a reason WHY he didn’t want to be there. That was the end of that. I left shortly after, thinking it better to remove myself than suffer the stares of the other children’s [angel’s] parents. By the time I returned to pick him up two hours later, he was hugging the teacher. Which, I know, you’re thinking means he had reformed his way because of a little tough love from Mrs.S. But I know better. I know that Finn is, after all, no dummy. He knows that if he can’t conquer by force and intimidation, then he must simply switch tactics to get his way. He’s overcoming all obstacles by the sheer magnitude of his love. Thus marking the first day of his world domination tour. Watch out, he’s coming for you next.

My New Favourite Thing....

2007-09-11T08:25:00.000-07:00

One word (well technically maybe it two but they are smooshed together): OmniOutliner. Let me backtrack for a moment. My new MacBook is fabulouso. It practically croons me to sleep at night. I'm working on a couple of new things and the software that this thing has makes me wonder why anyone anywhere would ever us a PC again. And yes, I know that there are dyed-in-the-wool PCers out there who will now threaten to bomb my house for saying such a thing, but when you are the type of computer user who has in the past frequently been heard plaintively calling 'HON.....I clicked something and now the thing won't do that thing...No...I don't have any idea what I did. NO! It doesn't just happen to me. [it does] Really it's not my fault.' then this Mac? with it's intuitive software? Pretty much heaven on earth for a demi-geek like me. Case in point. The other day I was browsing thru the applications in my Finder (and seriously, did these people design this stuff specifically for me? I mean 'Finder', you know to find things, really?) looking for something else when I came across OmniOutliner. I never thought I'd say this but this software has the potential to change everything - dare I say quite possibly to improve the quality of life around here. I know this seems hasty but something snapped inside me when I watched the tutorials for this litte app. You see, I'm not much of a list maker. I'm more the store-it-up-in-my-head till I reach maximum capacity and then explode. Efficient, no? Yes, and healthy too. But now, I can click open my OO and just start typing. There isn't any need to worry about organizing it until it's all out of my head. Then it's simply a matter of click-drag-drop into it's rightful place and voila! I am an organizational maniac. And I know that I could just write things out by hand, but somehow it's just not the same. All the same reasons that I don't write in a notebook. Somehow opening a fresh page here or in my Outliner just makes me percolate with possibilities. Start typing, fill up the pretty box, click, post, print. No distracting hand writing. No pens that mysteriously stop writing half way thru said list sending you on a fool's errand to find another writing utensil. Pristinely printed pages (and pages and pages) of well organized lists. Enough lists to wallpaper a room. sigh.... I think it might be love.

Letters To Stranger.....

2007-09-07T11:36:00.000-07:00

[A formal apology if you are getting bored with these....I've long been storing up this one without an appropriate venue in which to share. It's sorta like therapy for me. And now, in a cruel twist of fate, you may need therapy if I post too many more of these.] Dear Generously Proportioned Cosco Shopper, Hola. May I be the first to tell you that I admire your moxie. You really are working those pink jersey short shorts. And, hey, I for one, am all about the accepting the body God gave you. Although I’m questioning the wisdom of accepting the axiom of “we wear short shorts” as a truth on which to stand. I feel I must tell you, I’m troubled by the vision that you are on two levels: Firstly, your shorts vaguely resemble giant pink panties, or maybe the shortie bottoms from a pair of baby-doll jammies. Not wholly fit for standing in line at Cosco doing a little wholesale shopping. Although that’s totally your prerogative. Secondly, by far the more pressing matter - and there is no delicate way to put this - your bum is eating your shorts. That is all, FG

Letters To Strangers (I'm on a roll).....

2007-09-06T07:41:00.000-07:00

To the lady at the supermarket yesterday, in the bulk bin section - yes, you: Dear Sneaky Taste-Tester, Well, well, this is a surprise. I was under the impression that you were an urban legend. That most grown adults, in particular conservatively dressed grandma types, know that it is absolutely unacceptable to take a tester from a bulk bin of snack food with their bare hands. I thought you didn't exist. That you were a mere figment of my imagination. I imagine that you should be ashamed of yourself, but from the nonchalant way that you nibbled your corn chips and moved on, I'm assuming that you hadn't even a small pang on guilt. It's not like you were testing the chippies to assess their freshness because you were going to buy them. You just gathered a dainty handful and kept walking. Now look: it's really none of my business, I suppose. Perhaps you are from a foreign country where they don't have bulk bins and you were delighted to see the grocery store had kindly provided row upon row of tasty snacks for weary hungry shoppers. Maybe you had a slight brain aneurism and temporarily forgot your manners. Or, perhaps you thought that no one was looking and like the whole 'if a tree falls in the forest and no one hears it, does it make any sound?" that because no one was looking that you therefore didn't technically just steal those snackerels. The thing is? We saw you. And by 'we' I mean me and my kids. And we all know that kids don't let adults get away with crap. They immediately demanded to know why you were eating from the bulk bin. With your bare hands. Without paying for your snack. So I told them the only reasonable thing I could think of. I told them that although there was nothing we could do about it, and that I didn't know why you were eating from the bin, that if I were in charge of you, I'd put you in a time out for 62 minutes. One minute for each year of your life. I think that's reasonable. In fact, I think we'll suggest it to the store manager the next time we're at Coopers. He could put a big old time-out chair right there in the bulk food section with a giant timer on display above it. Consider yourself warned. FG

More Letters To Strangers.....

2007-09-03T12:39:00.000-07:00

Dear Oxygen-Tank Dependent Motorist, Hi. Clearly it's none of my business as to why you require the nasally tubed supplemental oxygen. And obviously you are alert and, well, upright, what with all that extra oxygen. But I'm just wondering if it's entirely wise for you to be driving your car. Alone. On a very busy highway. I'm concerned about hose kinks. Or you, know, empty oxygen tanks. Or, oh heavens, mid-drive tank-changes on the fly. You are making me nervous. Respectfully, FG

Letters To Strangers.....

2007-08-31T08:06:00.000-07:00

To the hot-body 60-ish lady at Starbucks, yesterday: Dear Hot-Body, First let me say, kudos on the great shape you are in. It's obvious you have taken care of yourself. You've got it going on, and I, for one, applaude you for it. Way to go. I hope and pray I am in as decent shape as you in another 30 years. Also, bravo for not choosing 'slut gear' to show off every nook and cranny of your fabulous figure. I'm impressed. Lesser women would have caved to the pressure of the 'got it? flaunt it.' approach to apparel that seems so so prevalent these days. So, not only are you in great shape, you are also mature. I know. What a concept. However, one word of advice. You may want to rethink that pale yellow terry cloth athletic outfit you were wearing yesterday. It was very cute, but it kinda looked like pyjamas, which, considering where we live, it is not all that surprising to see jammies out in public. But honey? I could see the white thong you were wearing on your specatacularily firm bottom right thru those pale yellow terry yoga pants. And while I guess I should be thankful you were wearing any underwear at all, AND furthermore, while I am fully aware of how the thong underwear functions, it is quite another thing altogether to be forced to view a public demonstration of exactly why the thong is sometimes referred to as 'butt-floss'. Repectfully yours, FG

This Is A Story About A Box....

2007-08-29T07:22:00.000-07:00

This is a box. This is some of the stuff that went in the box. This is an empty box. See? Some of the stuff from the box went here. Most of the other stuff from the box went here. Bye stuff! OH look, it's a truck! I wonder what is happening to the box? Lift OFF!! Going. Going..... Gooiinnnngggg...... Gone. [Edited to add: this is my first post on my new MacBook....I don't have a mouse yet, so it took me two days to do this post....and I may now have carpal tunnel. Umm, also, as a sign of maturity and growth, I accepted this MacBook as my 15th wedding anniversary present from my sweet Erin instead of the equivalent money offered to buy me a new diamond. Whaaa? you say? Yep, I picked the more practical gift. Lucky for you I did, 'cause baby? I've got big plans. And, yes, the driver of the truck thought I was nuts.]

Starting Out Slow....

2007-08-24T11:04:00.000-07:00

I had dreams - big dreams - of updating this space on a regular basis. Apparently life is still not resembling anything 'back to normal' yet. So, in lieu of an actual post, I'm going to give you a new photo. Think of it as my way of saying I still love you. Even though it's not what you logged in to get. I know, a poor substitute for my wit and charm. Always ready for a fight..... [Edited to add: getting better with this new camera, huh-huh, don'tcha think??]

Holy Smoley....

2007-08-07T15:39:00.000-07:00

Hi. I'm baaaack. No really. Don't be pessimistic and shut that browser just yet. I promise, I'm really going to post here again. And I know, okay? I KNOW I've said that before. But now that I'm back from my fake vacation at my new fabulous fake vacation home, I'm all geared up to get in, well, gear, savvy? Okay, so where to begin. I've had a slightly stupid year. You all know we've been renovating, which can I just say NEVER again? It's been a long dirty process. Not one I'm going to jump into again anytime soon, or at least in this lifetime. That being said, the basement is 500 square feet and one errant electrician away from being 100% done - give or take some doors and a bunch of trim. But really who's even paying attention to those little details when we are so close to having 1000 square feet of extra living space?? Not I, oh no, not I. I? I will be doing a break dance of joy on that new pristinely laid cork flooring down there. [Which, incidentally, for those of you in the know, is almost as awe inspiring as my impromptu interperative dances, only much more dangerous for onlookers.] In other words, YAY FOR RENOVATIONS THAT ARE DONE, or nearly done, as the case may be. Somewhere along the way though, I went a little snakey and had trouble doing much besides checking other peoples blogs and looking at piles of unfolded laundry. Fold? Laudry? Why bother, my inner voice of reason said. Just torch the whole place and start over. MUCH easier. But I'm ready to get back on track now. And I promise, that does include writing in this space more than once every three months. Hang in there, brave readers, it's only gonna get better from here.

Oh! Hi....

2007-06-27T09:02:00.000-07:00

Yes. This is me. Remembering that I have a blog. And remembering that there is life outside of homeschooling. And renovating. And juggling various administrative type tasks for various theatre companies. I'm tired of it all. And I know, I owe you all a huge update and a commitment to get back on track with this blog thing. But instead? I'm going to give you pictures of the men in my life (or at least some of them). In order of appearance: 1- Finn in the tub.....bubbles....need I say more? 2- Ethan: Intensity Personified 3- My sweet, sweet brotherin-law Jordan (feeling self conscious around me and my cam) 4- More fun in the tub. 5- One very tired husband. I'm so in love with them all.

Well, I Bet You Thought Aliens Abducted Me....

2007-05-23T07:49:00.000-07:00

Okay, so here it is. I'm doing props for a local show and I've pretty much been living at the rehearsal hall. Don't get me wrong, I've been aware of how little I've posted here in the last three months. And for the record I've tried to post, but it's like the part of my brain that writes went on vacation. So in an attempt to put something ANYTHING (as Erin put it so kindly this morning) here....I've a list. Here are 45 things you may never have needed to know about me: 1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? The Beatles song "Michelle". Which is why it's so SO special whenever some clever person sings it to me. Actually, I'm being over sarcastic. I don't really mind when people make that association with my name. What I hate? When people call me "Shell-Bell". 2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? Full out, gut wrenching sobbing cried? Can't remember. Suppressed tears....um, last week. 3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? Yes. 4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? honey ham 5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? If I answer 'no', how long will it take the magic fairies to come collect these two creature who are currently lounging on my couch? 6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Maybe. I talk too much sometimes. And I've a tendency toward being a bit neurotic. I think I would annoy me - as another person. Wait. I'm confused.....would me, as another person, know that it was me? Or...what? I can't answer this one without more coffee. 7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? no. 8. ARE YOU MISSING ANY ORGANS (TONSILS,APPENDIX....)? Um, not that I'm aware. 9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? NO!! 10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE CEREAL? Captain Crunch. Don't tell my kids. 11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? Nope. 12. ARE YOU PHYSICALLY STRONG OR EMOTIONALLY STRONG? Pretty wimpy in both departments, although I like to think I'm emotionally strong. Which I can totally pull off until someone uses the last of my coffee cream without replacing it. Yeah. 13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE ICE CREAM? For the love of PETE! Why do you all assume that everyone LOVES ice cream?? Maybe some of us don't like ice cream. Maybe some of us are lactose intolerant. Maybe SOME of us would rather strap a big ol' bag of chips onto our head like a feed bag. Ever think of that?? 14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? haireyesteethhandsfingernailsshoesclothes FOR MEN OR WOMEN ? um..... 15. RED OR PINK? Red 16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVOURITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? If I were going to be completely vain I'd say my thighs. If I were going to be completely transparent I'd say my need to verbally process. 17. BOOKS OR MOVIES? Before kids: books After kids: movies .... I don't really have time to read 18. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? what, like right now? You're assuming a lot, you know. 19. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? popcorn with butter and seasoning salt. 20. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? the distant sound of kids shows. 21. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOUR WOULD YOU BE? Chartruese....everyone knows that. 22. FAVORITE SMELLS? The crook of my husbands neck....or his t-shirt when I nick one to sleep in. 23. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? Probably Erin or Sherri-Ann....hard to say. 24. ONE WORD TO DESCRIBE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? Well, technicaly I STOLE this from Simone over at her blog.....which is one my blogroll and I'm too lazy to link right now. 25. FAVOURITE T.V. SHOW? Big Love! HBO, how I love thee. 26. HAIR COLOUR? Brown, but it would please me if you'd refer to it as 'dark auburn'. 27. EYE COLOUR? Green and brown, but again, please call them 'hazel'. I'm all about the fancy names. 28. FAVOURITE CHOCOLATE BAR? Dark chocolate - because it's gluten free. 29. WHAT'S THE NEXT THING YOU ARE LOOKING FORWARD TO? My basement being finished so that we can move back into the rest of the house. 30. FAVORITE FOOD? Salad (with everything in it) 31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? OH please! Happy endings, of course. 32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Orlando. 33. WHAT COLOUR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? Stripped. 34. SUMMER OR WINTER? Summer 35. IF YOU COULD LEARN ANOTHER LANGUAGE, WHICH WOULD YOU CHOOSE? Spanish 36. FAVOURITE DESSERT? Cheesecake with oreo bottom 37. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING? A learning Styles book and Respectful Parents, Respectful Kids. 38.WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? I don't use one. Scandalous, I know. 39. WHAT ARE YOU THINKING YOU SHOULD BE DOING RIGHT NOW? Laundry. OH man, that gene skipped a generation. 40. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT? CMT awards show (for my sweet, sweet country music lovin' husband) Excellent for practicing my southern drawl, y'all. (EDIT: okay that part I filled in a while ago....but I'm not changing it.) 41. FAVOURITE SOUND? Laughter - genuine, belly aching, tear inducing laughter 42. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? Beatles, hands down. 43. WHAT IS THE FURTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? Irian Jaya, Indonesia 44. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? What do you mean by 'special'? 45. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Sarnia, ON

This Is How Bad It Is.....

2007-04-28T23:17:00.001-07:00

Even my husband is berating me for my lack of posting. Sad. Really good excuses forthcoming.

Spring Has Sprung....

2007-03-31T19:42:00.000-07:00

Scooter Heaven...

The Low-Down on the What-Now....

2007-03-19T11:42:00.001-07:00

I've tried to post an entry about 18 times in the last twenty four hours. I log in, open a new post window and then stare at it pathetically until I can't take it anymore and shut the window down. I can't decide if I don't have anything to say or if I'm just too inherently lazy to actually formulate a real post. Or wait. It could be apathy. Don't forget the apathy. So I thought instead of some witty (ha!) post or snappy dialogue-ish banter, I'd just give you an update on what's been happening around here. Erin got home on Saturday afternoon from his training in California. Yes. Sunny So-Cal for a whole week without kids while I stayed home WITH the kids ALONE in the SEMI-DARK-DANKNESS of late late winter. THE JOY!! In all honesty, I was not looking forward to the week, but it actually was so much better than I thought it would be. Dare I say it was sort of peaceful. The reno-craption stopped for the week, there was no school or other hectic activities. We went skiing, mini-golfing and bowling. Quiet, it seemed, was just what the doctor ordered. The only downside of the whole thing was that we all missed him terribly which made the boys ask me about 18 gazillion times when is dad going to get home??. Toward the end of Saturday afternoon they started asking every 3.5 seconds each time louder and louder. As if saying at 10 decibels above a normal speaking voice would illicit the proper response. As if maybe, perhaps I temporarily become hearing impaired. I so wished I knew how to sign "I don't understand what your are talking about". Anyway, he arrived and there was much chaos and handing out of treats and kisses and hugs. It really was a lovely homecoming. He brought me a cute polka dotted summery shirt. If the sun ever shines again here, I'll be rocking that top. He brought the boys the requisite toys. The best thing though? He brought back this coffee that we had the first time on our honeymoon and now he swears that it's the best coffee. [Personally, I don't think it's so much a case of how amazing the coffee really was, but more the fact that we were on our honeymoon and having all that sex.] Somewhere between packing up his suitcase on Sunday morning and arriving home here late the same day, that poor vacuum sealed canister of Folgers French Roast popped it's top and exploded all over the inside of his luggage. When he opened it up in the kitchen Finn exclaimed "Daddy! Why do you have dirt in your suitcase??" There was much laughter as we cleaned up the precious grinds. In other news, I did a clothing purge. My closets look much much better. Now the challenge will be to keep them looking like that. For more than 2 days. Also? The weather keeps saying "partly sunny", but I'm not sure what part is sunny. Certainly not here. And another thing. How is it Tuesday already??

Selfie Saturday....

2007-03-17T12:32:00.000-07:00

Yeah, yeah, it's been a while. New camera, be darned! Selfies still lure me. So, straight..... Or curly....

Silly Doodle....

2007-03-16T09:10:00.000-07:00

'Cause I'm sillly. And I like to doodle. EDIT: I don't know why I can't get this picture bigger....this new camera, I tell you is making me all oy vey. Also, I should mention that I say oy vey so much that my kids have started saying it. Except they pronounce it oy bey so it kinda sounds like oh boy. Which is good, because when you take into consideration that the older one has also picked up the habit (thank you - Seinfeld watchin' Daddy) of shouting "HOOCHIE MAMA" at the most inappropriate times, oy vey is really just the icing on the little-old-man-from-Queen's cake that we seem to be channeling around here.

Here's How It Works.....

2007-03-15T11:51:00.000-07:00

Or, How To Annihilate Your Sense of Self Confidence In 9 Easy Steps. Step 1: spend two days preparing a monologue for an audition. Step 2: audition. Step 3: get phone call from producer - 'we really, REALLY liked you, you did a great audition, but unfortunately, you know, because of the other casting, we couldn't find a place for you this time. BUT you were good!. And we aren't just saying that! We have other shows!' click. [this means I look too young for the older parts, too old for the younger parts, too short, too skinny, too cute, too something to fit in] Step 4: allow 10 minutes of self pity (give or take a week or so) and then move on. Step 5: producers phone again - 'hey listen, one of the other actresses MAY drop out, and there MIGHT be possibly a part opening up, would you still be interested? We'll call you back.' Step 6: wait two days. Step 7: producers phone AGAIN - 'Hey listen, it looks like the other actress is going to be able to do the show. [OF COURSE SHE IS!] Wanna do props for us instead?' [Hmm, not really, but okay, because I want to look like I can handle the rejection maturely.] Step 8: slowly lose hope of ever performing again. Step 9: repeat, ad nauseum.....

Say It With Me.....

2007-03-14T08:12:00.000-07:00

Ethan: Mum, I forgot how to spell my name. Me: Um, at 8 years old you have name amnesia? Ethan: Tell me how it goes again. Me: Ethan: B-O-O-G-E-R. Ethan: B-O-O (pause) G-E-R? Me: Yup. Ethan: Booger? Me: Yup. Finn: Do me! Do me! Me: Okay. Finn: M-E-A-T-B-A-L-L. Finn: Does that spell Finny? Me: It sure does.

Welcome.....

2007-03-13T09:32:00.000-07:00

Hello there, gentle reader. Welcome to March Madness, or spring break as you may know it. We here at the Casa Del Boncos would like to greet you with a warm embrace and perhaps a mildly inappropriate bum massage. Which you will ignore. Also? We have morning breath. You have been warned. But, what am I saying?! Come in! Sit! WAIT! Not there. Sorry, my housework is a little behind. Yes, that's it, just scooch that pile of unfolded BUT CLEAN laundry over. See now? Your fitting right in here. What's the matter, my little pork chop? You look a little pale. Ah, not to worry, you'll so get used to things around here. I promise. Now, to business! I have a two week break here to catch you up on all that you have been missing. ME! You've been missing me. So before my comment box fills up with nasty notes about not posting, I will get back on this poor neglected horse. And hopefully, once I'm back on I will remember what to do. Right? Okay, that's the plan. Don't look so confused! You are so coy sometimes, petit chou! Pretending like you have no idea what I'm talking about. I love that about you. Alright, I'll spell it out for you: I will be posting EVERY DAY during March Madness! What? I didn't post on Monday? Really, that was yesterday? Oh you! Always such a stickler for details. Never mind, I'm conveniently ignorant of the little things. I'm looking at the Big Picture! You should know this by now. No matter, I'm not one to chastise, most especially you! 'Till tomorrow, sweet lasagna, I bid farewell.

I'm Still Here....

2007-03-10T17:25:00.000-08:00

Faithful readers, friends, I have not gone anywhere (except perhaps a little crazy) I'm still here, and I'm still blogging. You know, composing blog posts in my head while I'm doing other things, fully intending to come here and give this space a good dose of me on a regular basis. But there's a problem. Somewhere between formulating my next post and actually typing it into the nice neat box that Blogger so kindly provides for slacker writers like myself, there's a gigantic disconnect. I think it's called life or "who knew having your kids home all the time would eat up so much time and energy". Really. But, FEAR NOT, for it is March break around here and we have two weeks off to catch up on everything. My washing machine is rejoicing. Look forward to such wonderous posts such as "Life After Cheese" and "Still Pooping: Season 2". OH COME ON!! You know you've missed hearing about my bodily functions. Just admit it. I promise, I will update you on all the haps. You can thank me later. 'Till then, here's a couple of recent photos to tide you over. Mr. Tough Guy Suki Stands Guard Ethan - Ball Hockey Boy

Dignity Is For People Without Children.....

2007-02-24T10:55:00.000-08:00

Standing in the kitchen, making lunch. Finn is chattering to me and randomly patting my bum. Finn: Mum, how did you get such a soft squishy bum? Me: Oh, that? It was a present for my 30th birthday. Me: You can stop feeling it now. [And for the record, it's not THAT bad, for my age. And two kids. And a tragic addiction to chips. Really, when you think about it, it should be MUCH bigger and squisher than it is.]

Junk Mail....

2007-02-18T14:51:00.000-08:00

File under "S" for 'Say What?'..... Spam Subject Line: Junk Bald Tragically Cry Yeah-huh.

Overheard....

2007-02-17T15:59:00.000-08:00

File under "S" for scintillating. Shop Girl 1: I'm hungry. Wanna order something? Shop Girl 2: Sure. What do you feel like? SG 1: Pizza? SG 2: I don't know. Maybe. Dominos? SG 1: There's the Yellow Pages. You calling? SG 2: Okay. Hmmm, Dominos doesn't deliver before 11 am? Even ON SATURDAY?? SG 1: Weird. SG 2: They should be open all day Saturday. Really early. SG 1: Yeah. SG 2: Hey, there's an ad for hypnosis in the middle of the pizza ads. HA HA HA. SG 1: Um.... SG 2: That's so funny! SG 1: How 'bout Pizza Hut? SG 2: Ugh! Too salty. Taste like they poured a cup of salt on top. SG 1: I could really go for Chicken Chow Mein. SG 2: No. I can't eat that. Too much MSG. I always get sick. SG 1: Really. SG 2: Yes. The first time I ate it, I got sick. The second time I ate that, I got sick. SG 1: Hmmm. SG 2: Yeah. I hadn't eaten all day and then I ate it and then I got sick. I got a headache and my eyes went all glassy. SG 1: Wow. Pita? SG 2: NO. Oh no, they gave me food that wasn't cooked all the way last time. And then the next time I went there they gave me raw food again. SG 1: Oh. SG 2: You could get salmonella. SG 1: I guess. SG 2: Besides, they are putting less and less stuff in their pitas. Ha ha ha. SG 1: The deli? They have those egg rolls. SG 2: NO.WAY! SG 1: You don't like those? SG 2: They are just big grease balls. I can't eat those. SG 1: Quiche? SG 2: What?? SG 1: You know, QUICHE. SG 2: ... SG 1: Those things? With the bread? SG 2: ...

Update....

2007-02-12T15:38:00.001-08:00

One mountain of laundry down. One to go.

Let Me Count The Ways....

2007-02-12T14:34:00.000-08:00

Oh temporary insanity, how I wish you would go away. Cranky - again - because this: -children, with the fighting, and the yelling, and the arguing. (that's my lego! NO it's mine! NO THAT"S MY LEGO! No MIINNNE! I have to go to the bathroom! NO I have to go to the bathroom! ETHAN!!! I HAVE TO GO!!! THE POOP IS GOING TO FALL OUT OF MY BUM!!!!) I so wish I was making this stuff up. -hormonies.suck.full-stop. -no sun! Oh my good gravy! what I wouldn't do for a full day of sunshine right about now. I went to the health food store and bought some sort of happy pill that was - no joke - called "sunshine in a bottle". Lord please let this help! It's been a dank, dark, cold winter here. -dirt. dust. more dirt. -2 mountains of laundry. I'm incapable of conquering the laundry. I guess that gene skipped a generation. -980 square feet of chaos. Yep. That just about sums it up.

Oh The Humanity.....

2007-01-31T14:43:00.000-08:00

Just so you know how truly melodramatic we are over here, I give you this conversation with my son: driving home from gymnastics, I break suddenly and send everyone flying forward against their 'passenger restraint devices' Ethan: Whoa! What just happened? Am I dead? Me: Yes. Your in heaven. Welcome to eternity. Ethan: It's weird that it looks exactly like home. And another thing, I'm still wearing the same clothes. Me: .....

Photo Thrusday....

2007-01-25T07:44:00.000-08:00

Just a few snaps that I took this week. A close up of some rocks. Scintillating, no? A rare photo of Ethan NOT making one of those faces. This one is entitled 'unimpressed'. Seriously - could he look more bored with my snapping? And apologies for the lack of posting here. I really have to get a handle on this new schedule. When this will happen, I don't know. And I promise to stop apologizing for not posting - it's getting old, even for me.

Owning It.....

2007-01-20T09:00:00.000-08:00

So. Not only did I not get a part in the play that I auditioned for, I didn't even get a call back. Which sucks. And makes me sad. And makes me want to quit trying this. Because really, maybe it's all just a pipe dream in my head. Maybe it's all a massive distraction. And then, I'm reminded that words and images and art is worth something. This passage from a poem is pilfered from a long forgotten post in an old forum. It won't mean much to any of you, but for me, it broke some wall that was strangling me. After Finn was born, I'd succumbed to a deep dark tunnel of depression. Mostly I'd come out of it, I was feeling some things. But this cut thru what was left of my inability to feel things deeply. I felt (and maybe I was projecting, and maybe I wasn't) that this exerpt was a direct reference to how I'd responded to someone else's pain. I'd felt this twinge - a glimmer of that terrible burden of grief that comes from losing someone close - and it cut thru the numbness I had been wrapped in and I had responded to it in an honest but horribly insensitive way. "A family is crying as much as I am, and you are going on with your lives. You’re cuteness and empathy is so sweet and cool and hopeful; But eliminate a soul from your life, feel that; FEEL that, and come back and tell me how you care, how fucking thankful you are “I’m thankful because I'm not sharing your pain; but hey, I hope that is a sympathy” The internet has made you fucking robots. Your slim view has made you marginal. Cry. Cry for us, at least that. Cry for us. " -J.R. (aka: Couch Guy) And I did cry. I cried all day after I read that. I couldn't even explain to Erin why. I'm sure he thought I was really losing it. I couldn't shake the sadness that I'd hurt someone with my transparency. That I'd been so callous to appear to diminish the deep agonizing pain of someone else's loss. But I also snapped to attention that words do matter. That words have power. That words and art have monumental potential to reach beyond boundaries and distance and time. Someone's rebuking words - someone I don't know, a country away, whom I will probably never meet face to face, had with those few paragraphs managed to slap me out of the numbness I'd been wallowing in. And crying? It was exactly what I needed. Timely that I ran across it now, this week. This week when I'm wanting once more to say I'm done - I give up I'm reminded again that words and images and this is important - it is powerful. I'm reminded that this ability, this opportunity to express what I'm exploring, what I'm feeling isn't just meaningless words on a screen. Because even if it only ever resonates with one person, a country away, whom I'll never meet face to face, then the effort to keep going - beyond my comfort zone - has been worth it. Because this year? I'm daring to dream again. And more importantly? I'm owning.that.word.

Time Flies....

2007-01-17T15:38:00.000-08:00

One question I'm going to ask God when I get the chance one day is Why does time fly? Why doesn't it ever take the scenic route. Like say, the train? And what's with always insisting on a one way ticket? Come on back, why don'tcha! I'm so freaking busy! Today I realized just how long it's been since I updated this blog with something other than a one-liner or a photo. My apologies. I will get back in a groove someday. Promise. I'm just unsure as to when that might be. Also? I'm really really really REALLY tired of this renovation. The basement is so close to being ready for drywalling and our friend Rob is working his tail feathers off getting it done for which I'm so SO grateful, but I also SO DONE WITH THE WHOLE MESS! Can't we just torch the place and start over? (I don't really mean that, honey, it's just the PMS talking) I'm tired of tripping over stuff and cleaning up sawdust (soon to be replaced by drywall dust) and this whole winter-lack-of-sun thing isn't really helping. Wow, am I cranky! Yesterday I had one of those sneaky headaches that JUST KEPT GETTING WORSE in spite of the amount of pain medicine I pumped into my body. I'm sure it didn't help that I ate chips, chips, and oh yeah, more chips. It's my new PMS diet. I'm going to market it to martyr types with the tag line Don't Suffer Silently With PMS: Make Everyone Else Suffer With YOU!! 'Cause really, what more fun than PMS with a junk-food induced migraine? I'm eating a salad as big as my head right now to avoid the same fate as yesterday. My family thanks me in advance. In other news, I auditioned last weekend for this summer's Shakespeare production in town. It went okay. I guess. Who can really tell. Now I'm just waiting to hear back one way or the other and trying to convince myself that I'm okay with not getting a part. And really, with Shakespeare, where a cast of 25 has only 4 female roles, I kind of have to know the odds are stacked against me. Still, I'll stand by the old cliche that it's good practice to audition, because who doesn't need more humilitation in their lives? Not me apparently.

Winter Sunset.....

2007-01-13T09:50:00.000-08:00

So Where the Heck Have I Been?

2007-01-09T13:39:00.001-08:00

A most excellent question. I've been doing a whole lot of this: And not very well either. My new camera is complicated and I don't really know what I'm doing BUT THIS IS NOT STOPPING ME! Oh, no. It's the new and improved BOLDER updated version of me. I won't be put off by a camera. I will conquer that sucker. Other than that, it's been busy busy here getting the kids (and oh, heck me) back into the routine of life after Christmas. I did enjoy my break. I think my birds almost came back. Now, back to business as usual.

Happy 2007...

2007-01-01T15:09:00.000-08:00

I'm off for a couple of days of R & R with a good friend and fellow homeschooling mama Sherri-Ann. Or, as Finn put it, to take a bw-ache from kids. Yes, Finny, I need a small break. Loves to you all. Happy happy resolution making too!

Last Soul Searching of 2006....

2006-12-30T23:10:00.000-08:00

The last couple of months or so I've come to some big conclusions about myself. Like pieces of a puzzle, things have been clicking into their proper places. Two things stand out among the many faults I've accumulated over the years: my deference to other people's opinion of me and the waiting for everything to be just right before I embark on any creative endeavour. Actually waking up to these facts and not walking around them anymore has been liberating. And scary. I keep reminding myself one step at a time, sister - no more, no less required When I was a kid we moved a lot. A LOT, a lot. My Dad's work took us thither and yon and well, back again.* In a lot of ways it was an amazing way to grow up. I was exposed to different cultures and new experiences and I had to learn at a very young age to adapt to an ever changing landscape. I don't regret those things at all. Sure sometimes it was sad to leave a place I felt settled and face making new friends and learning new lingos, but in the end I think I have actually benefitted - the pro's far outweighing the con's. That being said, there are a few blips I've had to consciously choose not only to work through but to recognize as negative influences on the way I live my life. Being the new kid at school had it's ups and downs. My grade 4 year was, by far, the least positive experience of my life. I moved back to a school I'd attended for Kindergarten sometime in the spring of that year. The kids in my class took an instant dislike to me - for whatever reason kids that age decide to hate with such conviction. My life was made miserable every moment of every day. All I could do was hold myself together until my key slide into the lock of my front door at the end of each day. My parents and I were waiting it out. Things had to get better. Things usually got better. But then? Then I wrote a speech - a speech that ended up winning a medal and more hatred than I could have ever imagined. Because it was a good speech. Because I delivered it well, in front of a gym full of peers and teachers. And you know, I wanted to die when I won. I wanted them to give that medal to anyone but me. The first real encouragement and accomplishment I'd ever really recieved was for writing and I was afraid what it would mean in the classroom, in the school yard, on the bus. I hide my medal in my backpack that day. I rode the bus home with barely concealled tears. I knew what success meant and it wasn't good. I wished I hadn't written that speech, hadn't delivered it. I wished I hadn't tried. Did you get that? Grade 4 and the price of succeeding was too much to bear. Don't try. Don't dream. Don't dare. Too painful. Too much. The sting of that one just wrapped itself around the the last two and a half decades to bite me in the ass. It hurts to know how much I've stiffled in the last twenty-some years. It hurts to know that I have squashed my own ambitions. It hurts to know how much I've been resisting what's inside. As 2006 draws to an end I can't help but be grateful for last few nuggets of truth that I've uncovered in the past week. I realized that I have been stuck in survival mode for, well, most of my life. All the moving and adapting and hang in there - this is just a stage stuff had an impact. When the chips are down, when the last boat sails, when the going gets tough I know how to how to bluff it, tough it and stuff it, 'cause baby? I WILL survive. And that's a good thing, really. But I'm not a kid moving around from place to place every 18 months or so - I've been here in this town for 6 years now. I think I can stop surviving. Wait. I know I HAVE to stop surviving. I need to thrive. I need to flourish. It's taken me almost 36 years to recognize that I'm stuck with the 'sink or swim' button on. So number 1: I'm consciously choosing to turn that switch off. And as for number 2? The words echoing around my head from that grade 4 year who do you think you are? need to be answered with anything but nobody from now on. If I have been afraid of failure then I have been even more terrified of success. As ridiculous as that sounds. For the record? Nobody doesn't live here anymore. *IN NO WAY am I saying any of this to point any amount of blame at my parents for transient and exciting life we lived. The negative factors that have blocked my way happened in spite of their best efforts not because of them. And despite the adventure and upheaval of moving so much, my parents always provided a stable secure home wherever we landed and for that I'm truly grateful and indebted.

The Last Selfie of 2006.....

2006-12-27T12:17:00.000-08:00

Here it is, a day late and a dollar short - the last self portrait using my good old Kodak EasyShare digi-cam. I'm moving up to a digital SLR. The EasyShare has served me well, but it's limited capabilities were starting to drive me crazy. So I'm getting an Olympus Evolt 500. I am beside myself with joy.

Merry Christmas...

2006-12-25T10:42:00.000-08:00

From Olive and us. Joy and Peace. Light of the world and Truth.

The Haps...

2006-12-22T16:18:00.000-08:00

Well people, the Christmas rush has finally hit me. I've totally fallen off the blogging wagon. No self portrait, no updates, no sadly accurate funny conversations. I promise, there will be down time in the next two weeks. School is officially on hold till January. My stage manager days are over for now - and for the record, no one was hurt so that's something, but the curtain did start to fall down half-way through the second performance which so the potential was there. Other than that, it was just the odd missed line, a missing in action performer and a geriatric speaker who dragged the intermission out for 25 freaking minutes. Business as usual I'd say. Thanks for tuning in. I promise to be back soon with some last minute crafty type updates. For now, I'll wish you all a blessed Christmas season. May God be present in a very real way in each of your hearts this year as you celebrate with family and friends. And may you know how much I love each and every one of you.

A Boy Named Finn....

2006-12-18T11:46:00.000-08:00

Here is a boy named Finn. He is an active and loving child. He enjoys animals and lego. He loves to ride his bike and run and jump. His favorite new toy is this piece of wood. It appears to be a bit of broken furniture, perhaps from a long forgotten dresser drawer. Oh, it's a wonderful toy(?). It's very snuggable. Finn's been known to take it to bed. It's a lovely companion on long car trips. Or even short ones. Who doesn't love a good plank to keep them company? It's especially good for practicing ones skateboarding or snowboarding. See? And look! Particularily good for decimating, erm, I mean springboarding on the couch. Oh, look! He's done. Great jumping Finn! Tune in next week where we'll find Finn playing tea party with his two new best friends: Mrs. Cotton Ball and Mr. Dryer Lint.

Don't Even Ask.....

2006-12-17T10:37:00.000-08:00

So I had all these great plans to keep on posting, but then my life took a turn for the insane. Also this happened: See that? That 'CREW PASS - ALL ACCESS'? That right there is proof positive that I know ALL the wrong people. I spent the better part of yesterday afternoon and evening at a dress rehearsal where I unsuccessfully wrangled an 800 pound curtain. Seriously I'm, what, 5"1'? That curtain took me down. Boy howdy though, the choir was mightly entertained. It's good to know I got to perform an impromptu sideshow for everyone. Warms my heart. Today for the actually performances I'm going to cue some muscle to show that curtain who's boss. On the upside, I have an appointed runner for today so that I don't have to have a brain meltdown trying to prep and cue the next performers up. Tune in tomorrow when I'll regale you with tales form the dark underbelly of stage. I think I'll title it 'Stage Manager Memoir - Tales From the Wrong Side of the Curtain'.

POST!

2006-12-14T17:58:00.000-08:00

I don't have time nor do I have a topic to post on today. It's been another one of those go-go-GO! days. Don't you just love the Christmas season? Yes, I''ll be running around shouting about marmosets soon enough. I'm off to a rehearsal for a BIG! FANTASTIC! Christmas production that I wasn't supposed to be a part of. Until 3 weeks ago when they (the powers that be) asked if I'd write an opening sketch for this production. Then they asked if I'd direct it. Then they asked if I would choreograph (the horror! I know ) the song that the sketch segues into. Then they asked if I'd do make-up. Then they asked if I'd be a stage hand. Then they asked if I could be the stage left manager. Yeah. So I'm heading to Starbucks for a large coffee and then I'm off to a tech rehearsal that will be long. I'll leave you with the script for the sketch I wrote because I have nothing else to post and I don't want to break my streak here. ENJOY! Reflections of Christmas: OPENING SKIT Barry: (a parking lot attendant with reflective vest, etc….walking up on stage, trying to remember the license plate number he needs to announce) Was it VLE 101? No, that’s not it. Gah! OH, WAIT!! It was VLP 101. Yes! No! Um, I think. That just doesn’t sound right. I can’t believe I forgot what it was. I should have written it down! What was I thinking? I am not walking all the way back out there to find out. Darren: (Janitor - with broom, enters singing, dancing and sweeping, in a jolly mood) I got sunshiiiinnnne on a cloudy day! Barry: Think, think, think! Darren: When it’s cold outsiiiide…..I got the month of Maaaaay! Barry: Wait! V1Y 2M6? V1Y……? Ahhh, no that’s my postal code for crying out loud. I’m really losing it here. Darren: (like Elvis) Hey! Ah-thank you very much! (pretends broom is a microphone) Barry: (at microphone centre stage. Taps on mic) Um, is this thing on? OH! (nervous laugh) I guess it is. Hi folks. I, umm, I have to announce a car with it’s lights left on, but um (laughing again) well, I think the license plate is V something something something. There might be an E in there and like a 101, or 909, or something like that. It’s sort of a compact car but longer, with a (holds up hands and gestures) ….whadda-you-call-it. And sort of a green colour. Well, or, maybe more blueish, hard to say…Wait, it was gray, yes, definitely a greenish-blueish-gray, colour. Um, right. So if this sounds familiar to you and you think you might have, you know…. Darren: Um, what are you doing?? We’re not supposed to touch the equipment. Barry: I’m just trying to, you know, make an announcement. Darren: Well, okay, but you might want to double check that license plate number, because, your not making a whole lot of sense. Are you okay? You seem a little…..(gesturing and making a stressed out face) Barry: Well of course I’m a little….(makes gesture and face back at Darren) All these cars, and the snow and HEY it’s really cold out there. And my parking cones keep getting run over and you know, it’s a lot harder than it looks to use those traffic direction lights. (does a poor traffic director imitation, arms going every which way) Darren: Oh I see. (chuckling) Barry: Oh you see what? Darren: Well I can see that you’re thinking about this the wrong way. Barry: I am? Darren: Yes. You see you think that it’s you against the world, you know? ‘Us’ vs. ‘Them’. You’ve got it all wrong. Barry: I do? But my cones…. Darren: Ah forget about the cones. The cones don’t matter. Barry: They don’t? Darren: No of course they don’t. Barry: Wait, now I AM confused. If my parking cones don’t matter then what does? Darren: The people! Barry: (a bit suspicious) People. Darren: Yes, these people (gesturing to the audience) are what matter. They are important. They are our guests. Barry: Well I’m not sure how that can be true. My cones are pretty special to me. Darren: Okay, wait. I have an idea. Maybe this will help you understand. Here, hold this for a minute. (hands Barry his broom) (to audience) Sorry about all this folks. I know Christmas can be stressfull for everyone, but I think I can help. So sit back, RELAX (to Barry) and (singing) “Be our guest. Be our guest…” Brilliant? No?

Wednesday Jumble....

2006-12-13T16:18:00.000-08:00

This blogging every day is interesting, you know? Because before I started doing this I always had trouble thinking of what to write about. And now? It's just so darn hard to narrow it down to ONE topic! So I'm going to give you the topic run downs. Yes. Instead of actually writing a fully concieved and drafted post, I'm just going to give you the title and subject with a brief synopsis. You're on to me here, I know. Here goes: - Today I was sent a link about Marzipan Babies . I'm, um....huh? Marzipan? Babies? Frightneningly anatomically correct! Apparently (and thankfully) made out of silicone! Fit in the palm of your hand! Not like those pesky real life babies. All I can think to say about this is WHY?! Why does one need a miniature life-like anatomically correct silicone baby? And what does one do with such an item? Display it? Hide it in, say, the top of your dresser or the kitchen junk drawer? Leave it in it's original packaging?? And how do you explain why you have it? I am duly disturbed. - I talked to my friend Treena today (Hi Treen!!) and it was just so good to hear her voice. Why haven't I called her more? Or, like, you know, ever, since she moved away? In a nut shell? Because I suck. It's true. She's not the only one who I have neglected to stay in touch with. I've actually caught myself saying to people (sadly on more than one occasion) "I think about calling you all the time!!" D. Uh. Could someone just stencil a giant "L" on my forehead already and get it over with? - Why am I not more paranoid about how quickly Christmas is coming up? Have I finally lost my mind? I should be panic stricken! I should be running circles in the snow shrieking about marmosets*! I should be furiously shopping! And fretting! Instead I'm rather calm and collected. It might be that I've matured and I've planned ahead and am stunningly organized. HEY, stop snickering, I said MIGHT. - I had another one of my "pregnancy" dreams. Thankfully not quintuplets this time so it had that 'pheewff" quality about it. Why am I dreaming about being pregnant? I have no idea. Seriously. - I'm thinking of writing a book entitled "Eight Thousand Reasons Why Farming Squirels Would Be Easier Than Raising Boys: The Handbook". It's reasonable to think that I may actually be onto something here. Also? I'm so very tired again today but seeing as how I've already whined about this here several times in the last couple of months, I'll just leave it at that. *Bonus points for anyone who knows where that 'marmoset' reference comes from.

Tuesday Selfie....

2006-12-12T12:16:00.000-08:00

Monday...

2006-12-11T15:02:00.000-08:00

What a crazy day! We stood in line to sign up for gymnastics, the January session. Made a trip to Costco for the ladies brunch tomorrow. Dropped food off at it's final destination. Obtained haircuts for two very scraggely boys - I told Ethan he was starting to look like Mogli. He was not amused. Attempted to clean up the toys, in particular under the bed. I made Finn put on the miners style flash light head lamp and told him it would be like cave exploring but with treasures to find. And I cleaned out my various stashes of make-up and tossed all old unusable lipsticks, foundations, eye shadows and blushes. Rule of thumb here: if it's sat around so long that it's grown legs and can beat you at a game of chess then you need to toss it. And last but not least - I'm NOT EVEN DONE! I still have meetings to attend tonight. I need more coffee!

Addendum....

2006-12-10T08:42:00.000-08:00

Please note the following: Although Erin was strangely inept at all things domestic when we got married, it should be noted that this is past tense only. I'm happy to report that he's now an equal opportunity household task master. Nothing says I love you like a man who vacuums. Also? These two conversations with my sons occured this week. Ethan and I at the "Nutcracker".... Me: So, this ballet is set about the same time period as "Little House on the Prairie". Except that instead of poor American homesteaders, this family is from Europe and they are rich. See how beautiful their costumes are? Ethan: (glassy eyed) Rrrriiiich. I love rich. Me: Um, okay. Well let's talk about how different the two families are. See those ladies with the white caps on? Those are the families servants. In "Little House" Laura's family has to do all the work themselves. Ethan: (glassy eyed, and possibly drooling a little - it was dark, so I can't be quite sure) Sssseeeervants. I love servants. Me: I'm just going to pretend you didn't say that. In the car yesterday..... Me: Okay, when we get home, you boys need to clean up your room a little, because I'm going to vacuum. Ethan: Why? Me: Uh, because your room is a mess and there are crumbs everywhere. Ethan: So. Finn: Yeah, we like it that way. Me: Well, you can't leave it like that. That's how you get bugs. Or rats. You wouldn't want that to happen would you? Finn: That's okay with us. We like rats. We'll just use them as pets.

Summer Help, Sum 'Er Not.....

2006-12-09T16:10:00.000-08:00

When I get down to the business of cleaning (operative word 'when') I tend to be a little driven about it. Like once I actually attain the intestinal fortitude to tackle the massive dirt ball that is my house (many thanks to the reno raging in my basement) rule of thumb is stay out of my way. I give it the old quick and nasty. No need to linger because it's not my favorite thing to do. Today, Finn decided that he would help me vacuum and I had to let him, 'cause, you know, it just looks like so much fun! Right? Well, and also, I'm acknowledging that even though it might be simpler (and certainly faster) to just do it myself, I really don't want him to be like his father who didn't know how to to anything domesticated what.so.ever. Seriously, I know the boy was young when we got married but he could not even boil water. And sadly, that's no exageration. So in the intrest of teaching him to be able to someday leave the nest and fend for himself (and not attract rats in the process) off he went a vacuuming. And now? This is what I can hear. rrrrrrrrrrr....MAMA! I just sucked up a SOCK!!.....rrrrrrrr.....Oh MAN!! Mama, guess what I sucked up now?!.......rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr......Whoa! Oh MAN!!! I did it again!!......rrrrrrrrrr.......... Yup, some ARE help and some are most assuredly NOT.

Even-Steven.....

2006-12-08T08:28:00.000-08:00

The Scene: the bathroom... Erin: [happily using my deodorant, let's imagine he's also happily humming, just for effect] hum, hummm, hummmmm..... Me: Why are you using my deodorant? E: I'm not. It's mine. You are using that other one on that shelf aren't you? Me: Yes, but.... E: There were a bunch of these in the closet. Me: Yes, that's because I bought a pack of them at Costco. You know? So I won't run out. E: Yeah, well, there were a bunch, so I grabbed one. Me: But they're mine. E: What, like the deodorant knows if the pits are male or female...it's all the same stuff. Me: That's not the point. I buy it so I won't run out. It's called planning ahead. E: Well I didn't have time to get to a store. Me: You're saying that you can't find 5 minutes in your day when you're out to pop into a store and buy some for yourself? E: Why should I when you have a stash right here? Me: Um, because it bugs me that you use up my deodorant. E: Kinda like when you eat my food? Me: Yes....exactly........so I guess were even. E: Yep, I guess we are. Me: And DON'T THINK I WILL STOP NOW JUST BECAUSE l KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.

The Who AND The What....Part 2

2006-12-07T09:51:00.000-08:00

[Okay, I know, I'm probably boring you to death with my recent revelations, but I need to process and document this so that at some point (probably in the near future) when my brain succumbs to some fog or the other, one of you can email me these posts - like a cyber kick in the ass - to remind me that I have, indeed, figured some of my stuff out. Here's point number two and then I will return to our regularily scheduled 'hairy Bermuda triangle' type posts. Promise.] For a friend, who stopped because the weather man predicted rain. And for weirdness and timing, 'cause I wrote this yesterday morning, long before I read your email. And because words do matter. I can't remember a time when I didn't aspire to express myself creatively. I played dress up, I wrote poems and stories, I figure skated, danced, painted and drew pictures, kept melodramatic journals, acted, sang, choreographed theatrical numbers in the living room to LP's on the folks old stereo and dreamed and dreamed and dreamed. And watched for what I thought was necessary - for all the stars to align, for the sun to reach it's zenith, for the wind to blow in just the right direction. For the perfect time, the perfect place and the perfect thing to come along. And all these things never happened. So I waited. Thing with waiting is, it's harder than it looks. It eats at you after a while. And then, it gives way to defeat. The kind of defeat that says 'you suck - you didn't even try and you've given up'. It's a bad road to travel. You aren't exactly sure how you got there, and you have no clue how to get home. You're sure that you can't go back and moving forward seems like blind navigation, so you stay put. Stuck. So stuck is where I've been for the better part of the last decade. I turned 25, had an anxiety attack about being 'a quarter century old' - as my father-in-law put it - and decided I should have already accomplished something with my life. So, HEY! here's an idea: why don't I just curl up in a ball and wait out the remainder of my life? More or less. I've dabbled in things. Painting. Acting. Writing. Directing. None of which were more than the equivalent of a chicken-shit toe in an icy cold lake followed by a rapid retreat back to the warmth of my waiting. When I was a kid I was a wee bit afraid of the dark, especially the dark that descended in my grandparents farm house. I discovered, after a while, that if I shut my eyes tight before the lights were turned off and kept them shut, I could trick my brain into imagining that the lights were still on after the absolute of that Ontario-winter-deep-in-the-country dark blanketed me. In posting every day, I realized that I've been tricking my brain into thinking that I couldn't navigate a way out of waiting, eyes shut tight, imagining I'm stuck. Last month I did something different. I stopped waiting. Each day, finding my way, NOT waiting for the perfect topic, the right light, an uninterupted(?) block of time, an audience, a purpose or a plan. I opened my eyes and discovered I'm not stuck, after all. And I never was.

The Scene....

2006-12-06T12:28:00.000-08:00

Here's what things look like around here. Day after day. After day. Ethan: [announcing loudly] I have to go to the bathroom. Finn: [20 seconds after Ethan's butt makes contact with the toilet seat] EEEE-than! I have to go to the bathroom!!! Ethan: I just got on here, I'm not done. Finn: But I have to go. MOOOOOMMMMMM Ethan won't let me go to the bathroom!! Ethan: Hey! I'm not done. NOW LEAVE ME ALONE! I need some PRIVACY! Finn: [laying on the floor outside the bathroom door, pants halfway down, holding his butt and kicking the bathroom door] EEEEE-THAN!! LET. ME. INNNN!! Do you want me to poop my pants?? Ethan: Okay fine. Go and I'll finish when you are done. [stand up and lets Finn in] Finn: [concentrating very hard] I. Can't. Get. It. OUT! [crying and getting off the toilet] I can't poop! Ethan: That's okay. [closing the bathroom door] Sometimes it's just a false alarm. Finn: [laying on hallway floor again] AWWW, now I CAN'T go to the bathroom. Ethan won't let me! [crying, kicking the bathroom door] Me: ARGH! [Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.]

And The Winner Is....

2006-12-06T09:36:00.000-08:00

See that? That's the very official prize draw bowl. Congratulations to Courtnay. The official lucky winner of the first annual NaBloPoMo! YAY!! And yes, my desk really is THAT messy.

Grow......

2006-12-05T07:45:00.000-08:00

An Update...

2006-12-04T16:35:00.000-08:00

Today, I've come to this stunning conclusion: I DON'T THINK I'M GETTING MY BIRDS BACK. Ever. I thought you should know.

The Who AND The What....

2006-12-03T20:15:00.000-08:00

Sometime over this last weekend my hit counter spun past the 5000 mark. This may not seem like a big deal, but somehow for me, for some unknown reason, 5000 seems like a significant number. As I watched this mark approach I started to think about a few things. Like, should I be influenced by who reads my blog? Am I obligated to any expectations for a particular kind of writing now? And is there a need to define the type of blog this is? And on a completely superficial note, is it time for an aesthetic change of scenery around here? Because this black background and white writing? It's starting to get on my nerves. Reading back through my archive I realize how all-over-the-place this blog is, yet I hesitate to constrain myself to one particular style of writing or subject matter. I find it problematic to be exclusively a craft blog, or one of those mommy bloggers, or worse that this should turn into one of those 'what I ate for breakfast today' blogs that agonizingly details the minutia of my daily existence. I'm shrivelling up just thinking about it. Part of the positive outcome of this blog has been my sense of freedom - a bit of unhindered exploration. In this place I have been unafraid to fail. What's the worst that could happen - really? People stop reading? Oh, well. When I was in school I had a handful of teachers who plainly thought I was the dumbest, most absent minded daydreamer they'd ever had the displeasure of teaching. I've given this opinion of me unmitigated influence on what I say and do and write. Fearful of proving them right, I find myself reticent to say what I'm really thinking and feeling, even here. And although I can see that I have broken down some of those barriers over the past year, I have had to consciously ignore the urge to retreat back into my tidy - albeit cramped - mental holding tank. Last week I got an email from an old friend. I'll willingly admit this is someone whose writing and intellect I admire - someone whose work just seems so above and beyond anything that I could ever even hope to aspire to. Someone who has been reading my blog for a little while. I momentarily had the urge to shout "RETREAT!" and head for my hidey hole, but his words of encouragement sank in too quickly. I recognize (no small thanks to you, Couchie) that it really doesn't matter who reads my blog or what they think of it. What matters is that I am actually writing, and pushing through. Taking in stride that at times I will be all of the things I fear - silly and scattered and ridiculously neurotic. And it's all okay. It's all always been okay.

SUKI!!

2006-12-03T14:34:00.000-08:00

Trying (operative word here) to get a good picture of our guest today. Suki is our friends 13 week old 'puggle' and we are the official babysitters, erm, make that dogsitters. Finn is thrilled. The boy needs a dog! This will have to suffice for now. And for those of you who don't already know, he's declared himself the dog's uncle. Look at the camera, baby. I should not lead with my forehead. Neither should Suki. Suki, me and Uncle Finny.

The Booty...

2006-12-02T12:24:00.000-08:00

Hey! How are you? Here's a sneaky peek at the prize being offered to all those who read, cheered, leered or shrugged indifferently at my attempt to amp up my creativity this month. This little number isn't the whole prize - it'll be filled with a few extra goodies (that I'm not gonna show you) when it arrives. Hurray for prizes!! Vintage blue wool bag with recycled blue jean handles and some smashing green, navy and pink vintage printed lining. ALL thrifted and handmade by yours truly.

On The List So-Far....

2006-12-01T09:59:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I will continue to update this today and tomorrow as names come in, but so far the list of people entered to win the mystery prize are: Char Shram Deb My Little Light Simone Courtnay Lamby! Rose Jen Lizzy Doe Auntie Sharon Rachel Angie Rita Aunt Mary Tracy (I don't know who else from the family is reading....let me know, QUICK) Mum (?) Krystin (from Dad's old office) Zephers (are you still reading?) Gups (are you out there too?) TBO And Treena, who's been quietly reading from the start....I can't believe I almost forgot you! Men?? do you want in on this?? it's a girlie kind of gift, you could always give it away and thus save yourself the agony of actually shopping. Win win, no? To be continued..... Picture forthcoming!! Promise. And if you don't see your name and you think you should, be patient, the ol' hard drive is working over-time here. Leave a comment in the comment section for me to remind me.

Novemeber 30th Already.....

2006-11-30T17:59:00.000-08:00

I can't believe I've posted all month every day and it wasn't even all that traumatic. For me, that is. I'm glad I did it. So glad, in fact, that I'm not going to stop blogging everyday, for now anyway. I know that if I let myself think it's okay to stop blogging, I will, well, stop blogging and go back to posting so sporadically that my friends eventually start leaving me nasty phone messages along the lines of "blog, damnit". Not pretty, I assure you. So for now, consider this experiment officially NOT over. I'll see how long I can keep this up, and you will be forced to come and look everyday if only to see how giddy it will get over here. Mmmm, bloggy goodness. I thought, though, that today I would treat you to a list. I know -YAY! This list will be comprised of things I like and dislike. Kind of a "what's hot and what's not" in the world of me. Oh, how scintillating. Here's the like (in no particular order): -The first cup of coffee in the morning. Somehow that first one tastes the best. -The sound of my boys laughing with complete abandon. -The sound of rain on the roof. -Getting snowed in. -A glass of red wine at the end of a hectic (aren't they all?) day. -Hot showers. -Movies (oh let's face it, and sometimes commercials) that make me cry. -Selflessness. -Cheese. Really, any kind is fine. -The kind of comfortable silence you can have with someone you know really well. -Songs that inspire me. -Humility. The kind that isn't afraid to say 'sorry', to stand corrected without defensiveness and anger. Maybe I admire this one so much because I'm still learning it myself. -Sunshine. -Really good bread. The no-likey: -Arrogance. -The sound of people fighting. -Dry toast. -Stale coffee. -Self-sabatoge. -Money. And with it the accompanying greed. -Wounds. Be they physical, spiritual, or emotional. -Lack of self-discipline (in myself, in particular). -Clutter (and yet, mysteriously, I seem to have a generous portion of that over here). -Being made to feel stupid. Thanks again to everyone who stopped by this month and encouraged me to forge on. I have felt your love in no small way. I will be making my little "prize draw" this weekend. Hopefully by tomorrow I'll be able to post a picture of my completed project. I'm going to assume that most of my regular readers, most of whom I know personally, want to be included in the giveaway. For anyone else who would like to, aww heck, even if you are just a lurker too shy to post a comment, send an email along in the next day (or two, no later than Sunday Dec. 3) to fabricatedgoddess (at) yahoo (dot) ca and I'll throw your name into the hat.

Post 130...

2006-11-29T19:39:00.000-08:00

There are days when I wish my life were less complicated. I wish for things to seem clearer and less convoluted. There are days when I wish that I wasn't someones wife and mother. That sounds harsh. The words look stark and sad when I write them. They don't convey what I really feel. They don't explain that this job, this role is exhausting on every possible level. They don't project the anguish I feel when I think of their future and wonder if I'm doing everything - absolutely everything - they need to thrive and not just survive. They don't explain what I really mean. They don't explain that my greatest fear is that I might fail in the areas that are most important to me. These words seem selfish and single minded. They seem cold. I've never been one of those women who couldn't wait to be a mother. I didn't long for a husband and kids. I hear women say that and I can't relate. I wasn't sure. And yet, I found a husband in whom I have a mate, a match and a friend. My kids are gifts I didn't even know I wanted and yet God, in his infinite mercy, saw fit to bless me - beyond any measure of wisdom I might have needed to wish for them myself. Last summer, someone who I barely knew, said that they were envious of my life - of my kids, my family, my marriage. They said, to be exact, I'd give anything to have what you have. I was shocked. I asked Why? And this person, who hardly knew me at all said that it was the way my face lit up whenever I talked about my family that made them want what I have. And all I could think was I've become George Bailey! How can these emotions co-exist. How can I feel burdened and blessed all in the same moment. My greatest treasures are the things I often take most for granted. The things I feel the weight of the most heavily are what I live and breath for everyday. I don't need a 'Clarence' in my life to see that I am blessed. I don't need to imagine what the world would be like without me to know that I am more than the sum of all my parts. I know what I have and I'm wise enough to be thankful for it, even on days when I fleetingly wish for a simpler existence.

Me and My (little) Man...

2006-11-28T17:45:00.000-08:00

I love his face. [and that's a "goldfish" cracker in his teeth....posing with goldfish, all the cool kids are doin' it.]

Am I Still At It? You Ask...

2006-11-27T19:01:00.000-08:00

Well, a'course I am! You didn't think I'd give up did you? My parents came for an early Christmas celebration with us this weekend. It was a really relaxing weekend. We played games, ate amazing food and just generally enjoyed each others company. My mother didn't even do ONE load of laundry. I KNOW! This is monumental for her, and for me. Usually she drops her suitcase and heads straight for the waiting piles - there is always laundry around here. It started snowing here on Friday night and by yesterday evening it was apparent that every flight leaving here was either delayed or cancelled all together. There's something special about being snowed in. I can't quite put my finger on it exactly, but something within me sort of sighed and settled in when their flight was canned. It's like this world is so hectic, so busy and so driving that when you get snowed in, or stalled someplace, and it's completely out of your control you have no other choice but to surrender to it and just make the most of it. And make the most of it we did. Mum and Dad, I'm so blessed to have you as my parents. You have showered my family with love and blessings in every possible way. Thank you for always taking the time to see us. Thank you for all the gifts given - both seen and unseen. Thank you for the hugs and the laughs. Thanks for all the times you've come and toiled beside us. Thanks for coming to the 'gong show' and sleeping in the gutted basement (we tried to give them our bed, people, we really did) and for putting up with the restless natives (read: children) and for ignoring the shrapnel. We all love you dearly. More so because you love us back. Merry Christmas from your girl, m.

My Favorite Things....

2006-11-26T18:45:00.000-08:00

My Grandmothers silver and white Christmas tree with vintage glass ornaments. I love this tree.

A Question....

2006-11-25T10:23:00.000-08:00

Why is it that the furnace conks out not only on the first truly cold weekend of the winter, but also when Monica is here? It figures.

A Few Family Pics....

2006-11-24T19:44:00.000-08:00

Grandpa First Cousins Amanda Stephanie and Arlene Just a few family pictures. I am kicking myself that I didn't get one with each of my girls. I don't know how this happened, but it had something to do with the fact that we were all yacking so much we didn't stop to take pictures. Next time, I promise.

Wowee Wow Wow....

2006-11-23T16:01:00.000-08:00

If I had known that all I really needed to do to get you all to come out of the woodwork full force was a little whining? Oh you betcha I would have done it earlier! Thank you all for your kind words. I'm humbled that you all enjoy - even look forward to - my strange little world so much. This has been a really satifying experience for me. I hate to say it because it sounds a bit cliche, but this blogging everyday has given me a great sense of accomplishment. I'm thankful that my brain is in good working order. I'm thankful for internet access - Erin's still not sure of the wisdom here, but he's coming around. There was a time after university when I was so burnt out that the thought of writing anything other than a grocery list was terrifying and overwhelming. I felt like my brain had gone dormant in so many ways and I was afraid that it might not be reversable. I'd try to write from time to time, but I always felt stiffled and dissatisfied with the process and the results. I can't even remember the whole reason that I started this blog a little over a year ago now. Something to do with tracking and documenting my creative journey and my projects. Lately it's become so much more than that though. It's become a place of growth. I can measure how far I've come in getting back what I felt like I'd lost. Not so much the ability but the desire to write. And with that has come satisfaction and joy. Thank you all for taking the time out of your full and busy lives to check in over here and see what's shakin'. It's more encouraging than you could ever know.

Blah, Blah, Blog....

2006-11-22T20:30:00.000-08:00

Erin jokes (jokes) that I have birds chirping in my head. [Insert Erin singing "why do birds suddenly appear, every time you are neeaarrrr!!] This is mainly due to the fact that he is, in contrast, always (and I mean always) thinking and wrestling and AGONIZING over deep and heavy spiritual, moral or social issues, while I on the other hand am often contemplating things like say, oh, cheese and it's heavenly attributes or the quest for the perfect lip balm. There is absolutely no judgement or condemnation in his observation of my birds. There is more of a sense of envy, because, you know, the birds. They are pretty. And this thinking? Not so much. But lately, the pretty birds have been replaced, people. The new sound track playing repetitiously through my noggin says must blog...must.blog....MUST.BLOG!!! And the really scary part? The more I blog this month the more I feel like I have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO SAY. I'm feeling a little desperate. I've enjoyed this challenge but I'm afraid that this last week or so could make or break all of you. Some of you might stay for the long haul and others might just throw in the towel and run as fast as their legs will carry them. To those of you who decide to stay through to the end I say: thanks for not stabbing out your eyeballs with a fork before December 1st. To the rest of you, you probably made a wise choice. I want my birds back.

Trust....

2006-11-21T14:25:00.000-08:00

Conversation....

2006-11-20T10:38:00.000-08:00

Him: HON!! [insert exasperated tone] Bermuda triangle?! Me: OH! [sheepish] So you read that?? Him: .... Me: Uh, well....sorry about that. I didn't mean YOUR hairy bermuda triangle in particular... just like....um, in general....most crotchular areas...experience....hairiness. Him: Whaa? I just....why...huh? Me: Well, you know, this blogging every day is HARD! Him: ..... Me: [muttering to myself] I knew this was going to get dicey.

Work In Progress.....

2006-11-19T19:33:00.000-08:00

Ohhhh, the mystery!

Junk Mail....

2006-11-18T19:16:00.000-08:00

Usually I delete all junk mail immediately with out paying them much attention, but today I got one that caught my eye. The subject struck me as....odd. It said "My Peenis is always hard and is able to move without interuption!" Ummm, okay. What exactly does the one have to do with the other? Because that first one? That sounds like a problem. And that second thing? That just sounds weird. Do people usually interupt your penis? 'Scuse me, pardon me, um, comin' thru! Now wait just a doggone minute! I'm going to have to insist that you stop what you are doing right this instant! Yeah, I can see how this could become a problem. And finally, if you have a 'peenis' you may just be a 4 year old boy who hasn't figured out that the dangly bit of your body does anything other than pee. And in light of the other two problems, I am now deeply disturbed. Anyone else got any weird junk mail in their inbox today?

Words I Love....

2006-11-17T20:36:00.000-08:00

Okay, admittedly I know this is supposed to be a conversation, but I decided to change it to "Words I Love". Don't you have words you just love?? Words that make you feel smarter? Or words that tickle you? I hope I'm not odd in this. Some words just make me happy the way they roll off my tongue. Here are a few. 1. Obtuse. This word almost sounds like what it is. I wish I could work this word into more conversations, but sadly I'm too obtuse to figure out how. 2. Scintillating. This word makes me think of tiny little silvery shivers running all over my body. Don't ask me why, because that's no where near the meaning of this word. And now that I've revealled that there is no way that I could ever hope that someone will use that word to describe me. Obtuse perhaps, but not scintillation. 3. Lexicon. Again a word I can never seem to work into conversation, but if I ever do, boy will I seem scintillating!! 4. Chartruese and Vermillion. I know these are just a fancy shmancy way of describing shades of green and red, but to my artists heart, these two words just seem more alive. You know? In the catagory of made up words that don't really exist: 1. Degrossify. I read this on a blog and now I can't even remember which one. I'm sure that blogger probably can't take credit for it either, but it cracked me up, because, people? I know degrossify. I have boys. Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. 2. Crotchular Area. My husband takes the ever popular (?) term "crotchular" and adds "area" to it while making a triangle with his hands hovering over his own crotchular area just in case the terminology wasn't self explanatory enough. It's like the bermuda triangle, only hairier. 3. Sistalah. The girls in my life that aren't sisters by blood but are every bit as good as if they had been born into my very own family. We laugh, we cry, sometimes we get on each others cases, but mostly we just love each other. 4. Squirelly. The term I use to describe how it feels to be living in 980 sq ft and homeschooling while my handy hubby renos the basement. The use of this terminology is usually followed by a series of gutteral screams.

Men In Skirts....

2006-11-16T17:03:00.000-08:00

Today I'm thankful for my brother Wade. He's the big one on the right. He sent me this picture although I'm not sure why, 'cause he had to know that I'd use it against him. Check out the legs! I'm proud of him for the father that he is. I'm love him for the man he's become. Hard to believe that massive hunk of man meat is even related to little me, isn't it? Growing up we travelled a lot because of my dad's work and even though he is my stinky little brother, I'm sure glad he was around during those endless hours of overseas flights and long loooong car rides. For the times we "cleaned" our rooms and the hours we spent looking for things that Mum "hid" for safe keeping (those damn candy canes are somewhere in the house still, she's sure of it) thanks bro, it wouldn't have been the same without you. Don't ever forget that your big little sister loves you - after all, it's just the two of us. Sorry pal, but you're stuck with me.

Wednesday Oh.My.GOOD.GRAVY But I'm Still Tired....

2006-11-15T15:49:00.000-08:00

I should be posting some recipe. I know. I am a fink. But I tell you I'm am still so tired I feel sideways dizzy. I can't even think. But I have to tell you the trip home to Ontario was totally worth it. I can't remember when I've seen so much of my family. And the best part? Surprising so many of them! Yay for overwhelming people with unspeakable emotions! I hope my Grandmother and my Aunt Deanna recover. The comical highlight of the weekend was most assuredly going back to the Wyoming Legion with some of the whackier family members after our luncheon with my Grandpa. And I mean whackier in the nicest of ways...I was one of them after all. We laughed, we talked, we admired the very disturbing decor (orange and rust shag carpet? do I even want to know how old that was?) we participated in the annual Remeberance Day meat raffle. Yes, that grand old tradition of raffling off Costco sized containers of raw hamburger that have been sitting on the raffle table for I-don't-want-to-know-how-long. I was mildly disturbed. Even more concerning was that even though our side of the hall was buying into the raffle, it was the suspiciously gnome-like Chester on the other side of the partition that kept winning. At least three times in the course of an hour. I don't know what kind of voo-doo Chester was working on the meat wheel, but he had some racket going on - that was obvious. Anyway, it was so lovely and nostalgic to see so much family. I am so thrilled to be a part of this family. You are all very dear to my heart. I'm glad I got the chance to see everyone. Now if you'll excuse me I need to go lie down before I fall down.

Tuesday Portrait....

2006-11-14T12:31:00.000-08:00

tired and confused, starting to see clearly good fruit is good fruit, means to an end... word of God speak

I'm So Tired ......

2006-11-13T15:05:00.000-08:00

I can't remember my own name right now I'm so tired. What a weekend. And as an added bonus, because I'm desperately blogging every day, I've hurt someone who I love. Rita: you know I get you and that you calling me an idiot tickles me because I know what that means coming from you. We have the same sense of humour about the same type of situations. I don't know why I called it "fallout" but I'm pretty sure it's because it was 6 am on Sunday morning and I had to blog and run. Maybe I meant being called an idiot for publishing the details of my life on the internet was only a matter of time: I'm glad it was you who said it. I'm sorry if I confused anyone. Rita, baby, you've always been my big sister, you can call me idiot anytime. And sheesh, I'm starting to lose steam here. I can't even think of good titles anymore. Last night we went up to Big White to spend the night with some of our friends and by the time we went to bed it was 3 am BC time. That means I'd been up for 24 hours. I'm seriously dying today. I'm so tired I'm dizzy, like I just got off the tilt-a-wheel. I will post an update detailing some of the fun I had on my trip home to Ontario. Right now I need go get my head on straight. If that is at all possible.

Fallout....

2006-11-12T03:44:00.000-08:00

Rita Bita Baby(hereforeto known as RBB: You know, I won't say that I read your blog regularily, but I do check in from time to time. Me: Oh? RBB:Yeah. You're an IDIOT. Me:Coming from you, I'll take that as a compliment. Edit: pictures forthcoming....

Lest We Forget....

2006-11-11T16:30:00.000-08:00

Today I spent the day in Wyoming, Ontario, with my mother's substantial family. My mother is one of 16 children from the same parents - no blended family here. We gathered today to honour my Grandfather McKinley, a WWII vet. We attended a Rememberance Day ceremony and had lunch together after, all 60 or so of us. It was glorious and whirlwind and I'm exhausted. My mother asked me to write a little something as a tribute to my grandpa. I obliged but I need to remind her some time that I'm not some sort of trained circus monkey like she assumes. Tap dancing would have been less stressful. Dear Grandpa, I love you, you old rascal and I'm proud of what you've accomplised with this life of yours. Thanks for everything you've taught us. Novemeber 11th, 2006. Wyoming, Ontario Lions Hall When I think about who I am I’m always reminded that to define who I am I first have to remember where I come from. Looking around this room today, the focus sharpens and I can see vividly who I am and where I come from. In all of us a little bit of John and Effie. A strange and wonderful blend of hard working self- reliance with a dash of hero, tyrant, and rascal all rolled into one. I’ve heard it taught that life is like a fiery furnace where there can only be three outcomes: you can be miraculously removed from the fire, you can be consumed and burned up by the fire, or you can pass through the fire and come out on the other side transformed. There have been times in my life when I have wished for some miracle to pluck me out of the fire. I hear my mother’s voice,”baby girl,” she says “don’t wish away your life” and I know that I can’t avoid the difficult times life brings my way. Other times when life gets tough and the heat of the fire seems too hot to handle, I want to lay down and give up. I think to myself “that’s it, I’m done. I can’t take any more.” A still small voice is always waiting for these moments of self pity and defeat….It says to me: ‘what are YOU complaining about? Your fire is nothing. You think your life is challenging? How did John and Effie do it? Look how much they had to face every day and they didn’t lay down and give up, they didn’t turn tail and run…Your fire? It’s just a little spark, you can handle it. And this is when I know, deep down that there has only ever been ONE option: I must pass through the fire. This I know how to do: to put my nose to the grindstone, to wade in, to fight through the difficult times with every scrappy bit of strength I have - this is John and Effie’s legacy. Today we are gathered to honour John Celsus McKinley for all that he has done - for his country and for his family. For the way that he taught us that hard work is key, that it matters. That challenges are to be faced head on. That the fire of life might get hot sometimes but if you fight it with everything you’ve got, it doesn’t stand a chance at consuming you. Gunnar McKinley, we salute you. Thank you for never leaving your post.

Conversation Friday...

2006-11-10T07:47:00.000-08:00

Me: It's just me! Him: How was your run? Me: Good and sweaty. Him: Hey! You're missing your hat, you know. Me: Yes, my head got hot. I took it off. Him: Oh good, I thought someone maybe stole if from you while you were out. Me: *blink blink* Stole my running touque? Him: *nodding* Me: Yeah, I got mugged while I was out jogging. The took my precious touque but left all my jewellry and my iPod. Him: That makes perfect sense.

Today Is A New Day....

2006-11-09T11:27:00.000-08:00

Today I am thankful for a wee bit of sunshine and the feel of the wind on my face. I'm thankful for friends and family that constantly amaze me. I feel like I am blessed and blessed again to have family that I can call dear friends, and friends that I can count upon as dearest family. The sun is shinning in the window as we speak. I feel extra alive to know it's warmth. I am going now for a run, to feel the wind, to smell the earth and to recieve the blessings of having this body to use for a time. I love each and every one of you with new depth each day. I'll see you tomorrow.

And Because I Haven't Really Laughed Today....

2006-11-08T13:07:00.000-08:00

[Scene: 5 minutes ago, at my front door] Sweet Little Jehovah's Witness Old Lady (hereforeto referred to as SLJWOL): OH, hello. Is your mum home? Me: Yep. I am the mum. SLJWOL: flustered silence Me: big grin SLJWOL: Well, you don't look very old....I just wanted to give you this literature. rapid retreat Me: THANKS!!

To Clarify....

2006-11-08T11:30:00.000-08:00

Please, everyone, know that I am okay. This turmoil isn't about me....but it is turmoil just the same. I will be okay, I just need to process some stuff. Thanks for being concerned.

Still Thoughtful...

2006-11-08T09:13:00.000-08:00

I know it's cooking day, and maybe I will have something for you all later, but for now, I'm still deep in thought (turmoil is really a better word for it). One thing I'm sure of is that life is never boring. It's bumpy and messy and confusing. So buckle your seat belt and pack your wet wipes....I know the way Home, but it's not an easy trip.

Portrait....

2006-11-07T07:45:00.000-08:00

Thoughtful, today. Much to process, much to absorb.

Highly Prolific Starter: Here.....

2006-11-06T08:02:00.000-08:00

Welcome to confession Monday. I must confess I have no idea what I'm going to write about yet, so I'll just ramble if that's okay with you. As I was opening up my blog today I noticed that I have passed the 100th post mark, 104 to be exact. I have been blogging for over a year. By which I mean: I have a blog and I actually post in it on a semi-regular basis. Also, I've been consistently excercising for a year. I'm not sure what's going on here, but there seems to be a trend. A rather stable trend. This disturbs me on some level. I've always been more of a starter than a finisher. I can start something new like nobodies business, but somewhere between buying 12 bundles of mint green and dusty rose yarn and casting on the first three rows of that fabulous afghan, I lose intrest and desire to see the project through to fruition. You think I'm joking. Here's a list of just SOME of the things I have enthusiastically started over the years: - A hooked rug kitty or puppy (can't really remember) probably age 7 or 8. I finished about 12 rows and lost intrest, but managed to keep it unitl I was a teenager just in case I got interested again. - Various cross stitches, including some that were purchased after I got married and had deluded myself into thinking I had time to work on, even though I've never even liked cross stitch. I mean, who has time for cross stitching after you get married? There is all that sex to have and naked house cleaning to do. Right? - Several attempts to make a double sized afgan to drape elegantly (?) off the end of my bed in a variety of trendy colour combinations: mint and dusty rose, burgundy and dark green, royal blue and I-don't-know-what-colour, and finally, a pared down lime green, lavendar and aqua blue/torquoise baby sized stroller blanket. Shamefully, I still have all the wool from that last one. All started and none finished. - Embroidery floss for making those knotted bracelets?? Oh yeah, every colour under the rainbow. I think I made about three of the them. - Multi coloured teeny tiny glass beads and safety pins of every size for making 'friendship pins'. Remember those? You would pin them on your sneakers or your purse strap, and show everyone how popular you were by how many pins you had. I toted a plastic margarine container of those beads around for at least a decade and a half. - A box of 'woodles'. These were little geometric shapes made out of light weight wood that can be glued together in a variety of ways to create little insects or animals or flowers. Tracy (my cousin and partner in crime) talked me into these one summer. I think we were about 10 and 11. The idea was that we would make frogs and clowns and flowers, paint them, stick a magnet on the back and sell them at the flea market. I have no idea what flea market Tracy was planning on selling these at, but I recall we were to "make MILLIONS!!!" The marketing genius' plan had one tragic flaw: she was counting on me to do most of the work. I think you know the outcome of this one. A few years ago, I actually found the box of woodles in my closet at home (mum was on a "get-this-shit-out-of-here' rampage). I wrapped it up and gave it to her as a Christmas present. I'm sure that there is still a chance that this one could work for Trace, just probaly not on the sweat of my brow. Maybe she could hire some migratory workers, I'm sure they need something to do for the winter. - Several books have been started. And by started, I mean I thought up a title and never got past the first few pages. - Health kicks. Not eating sugar, not eating bread, not eating meat, eating only fruit for lunch, eating only once a day. Atkins, South Beach, Great Grains, Fit for Life, T-Factor....you name it. Usually these ridiculous attempts at healthy eating resulted in low blood sugar, low hemoglobin, and vast amounts of noxious gas. - Excercise regimes. Step aerobics, bungie cord strength training, gym memberships - I usually attend for the first month, then paid evert month for the rest of the year ('cause I signed the damned contract) and drove 8 blocks out of my way to get home so I could avoid passing the gym. Out of sight, out of mind, no? Oh yeah, and Susan Powter: STOP THE INSANITY - circa 1992....seriously, just stop. - Several home based businesses. Status: start, wait three months, quit. BeautiControl, some Laura Ashley knock off clothing and home design company that I can't even remember the name of anymore, Avon. I get sucked in by thinking I might actually make some money, while making my own hours and of course the free stuff you get with your "kit" when you pay your consultant sign up fee. Erin won't let me even consider these anymore, he just rolls his eyes and walks away. - Lots and lots of art tangents conceived and discarded only after I've spent money on NEW! and EXCITING! and EXPENSIVE! art supplies. And these are just some of the ones I can remember. I'm positive that there are lots more that I've blocked from my memory so as not to traumatize myself with the guilt of remembering. In light of all these, I'm really much more thrilled about the recent development of follow thru that I seem to be achieving. Blogging, excercise....wow. You all have no idea the sense of accomplishment I have about seeing that blogger front page say 104 posts. Make that 105.

Sketch Book....

2006-11-05T08:30:00.000-08:00

Sunrise....

2006-11-04T08:25:00.000-08:00

Isaiah 60:1-3 (my favorite book) Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the LORD rises upon you. See, darkness covers the earth and thick darknes is over the peoples, But the LORD rises upon you and his glory appears over you. Nations will come to your light, And Kings to the brightness of your dawn. Sunrise series: Taken in Iceland by Wader (my brother). He's working there right now.

Neurotic, Much?

2006-11-03T11:23:00.000-08:00

Shram: We should start dinner. Me: Yeah, you're right. Want me to make the salad? Shram: Sure. Me: (rummaging in cabinets to find bowl) Is this the bowl you puked in when you had food poisoning? Because I can't use it if it is. Shram: (laughing) No. It was the big white one. Me: PHEW! Shram: IT'S BEEN STERILIZED, you know. Me: Yes, so you say, but I can't eat out of it. Shram: You're such a freak. Me: Yes, I'm aware.

Weekends Off For Good Behaviour....

2006-11-03T06:49:00.000-08:00

E: MUM! Finn pinched me!! Me: Finn, that's not kindness. Why are you pinching your brother? F: Because Ethan hit me. E: NO I DIDN'T!!!!! MUM I didn't hit him, he's LYING!!!!! He just pinched me for no reason at all. F: Yes, you did. Ethan, you hit me ALL THE TIME. Me: Finn! When did he hit you? F: He hits me on Saturdays and Sundays.

Thankful Thursday - Dear Ethan.....

2006-11-02T07:07:00.000-08:00

Dear Ethan, I can't believe today you are 8! It seems like just yesterday I was holding you for the very first time. I know all parents say that, but it is so SO true. Eight years ago, right about now actually, we were looking at each other thinking 'who is this strange new person' and now here we are sometimes still thinking the very same thing! You are growing and changing every day and you are still keeping me on my toes. With you, there is never a dull moment, and even though sometimes that may sound like something negative in reality your dad and I wouldn't have it any other way. I love watching you read and play Lego, your two newest obsessions. You are so incredibly passionate about the things that you do and you have suddenly become a Lego fanatic. You are constantly building new and exciting things and it is really cool to hear you explain your new creations. We've written stories, drawn pictures, even made a photo journal story. Your imagination is soaring right now. The other day you asked me to measure you again (you constantly tell me you think you've grown) and I thought there was no way you'd grow much in the last month. You were right though, you had grown - a whole INCH and A HALF!! Now when you stand up tall in from of me, you touch my chin with the top of your head. Yesterday you thought it was so funny that Uncle Wader is younger than me and SO much bigger than me. You were very tickled that he calls me his "big little sister" and very soon, no doubt you will be calling me your "Little Mama" - we can drop the 'big' part, I'm okay with that. Happy Birthday, dearest boy. When you were tiny, I would hold you and try to imagine the boy you would become, and I wept that I wouldn't always be able to protect you and keep you away from all the hurt of the world, but I can see you are holding your own in this big bad world. I love the boy you are and I can't wait to meet the man you will become, pally. I love you with all my heart. Mumma

Ready, Set, POST.....

2006-11-01T07:59:00.000-08:00

Good Morning, sunshines! Are you ready? Personally, I'm still bleary eyed over here, but that's not going to hinder my ability to kick this off right. Here goes. Post-Halloween Vampire-Repelling Roasted Garlic: So I know this isn't exactly original, but I thought it was seasonally appropriate considering that yesterday was Halloween. 2 cloves garlic slice the tops off and place cut side down in a pan or on parchement. Drizzle with olive oil. Sprinkle with coarse or kosher salt. Bake for 45 min to and hour in 345 oven. Cloves will be soft and squishy....mmmm, squishy. Once you've removed this from the oven and let it cool, gently squeeze the cloves out of the husk. I like to freeze them on a cookie sheet and then put them in a baggie or freezer container. These will keep for a few months and it's super convenient for making soups, stews, sauces whatever you like. And me? I like to add about three of these to potatoes as I'm mashing them....heaven. If you add asagio cheese to these, or maybe some chopped fresh chives and sour cream, I'd drive right in and swim around in those mashed beauties. And voila, no pesky vampires for at least 12 hours. See you tomorrow for Thankful Thrusday.

Wow, Y'all Have Such Good Ideas, You Should Be Writing This Blog....

2006-10-31T08:49:00.000-08:00

Thank you all for the excellent 'Saturday' blog post ideas. I can't believe that was so successful! I'm going to use all those ideas, no doubt. I outed more people than I thought I would (Baby Girl - you should definitely STAY!) and that really just makes me so SO happy. I will be putting together a prize package that will include a little somethin' somethin' of the handmade variety in it (read: small handbag). IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN RECIEVING THE PRIZE THAT I WILL DRAW AT RANDOM ON THE 1ST OF DECEMBER: please email me at: fabricatedgoddess (at) yahoo (dot) ca* and I will enter your name to draw. I will also be including all those who comment during my blog-o-thon, so your chance of winning may be about 1 in 8, give or take the anonymous comments from my family. Yay! I'm so excited. See you tomorrow, eager beavers. * IF that email address just confused the heck out of you (mom) call me, we'll tawk. I'm just going to assume the rest of you will figure it out.

Plan? I thought the plan was jam....

2006-10-24T13:36:00.000-07:00

Okay, so, I am committed to doing this blog every day thing for the month of November and I want you all to know, I'm doing this for you. Like I said, you can thank me later. And I did make a plan of attack for this undertaking. Which I probably won't stick to. But I like to think that it will help steer me in the right direction. Preparation, people, that's the word of the day. So as follows, here is the break down of how I will fill those days up, and not just be reduced to posting such eloquence as "NARF" or the ever popular "ARGH" followed by eight billion exclamation points when I run out of interesting things to post about: True Confession Monday: Oh the JOY! I'll dig into the vault (it's substantial I assure you) and give you a glimpse of me in all my wonderful, underwear-inside-out goodness. Let the hit counter spin to full capacity. Self-Portrait Tuesday: I've been slacking in the shameless self indulgence area lately, so I thought I'd bring this one back regularily for November at least. Long enough to sicken even myself. Yay. Cook-Book-Look Wednesday: What culinary masterpiece will I come up with each week? Hard to say, but whatever it is (seriously, what IS that?) I'll take pictures and post it here with recipe. Oh the HORROR. Thankful Thrusday: What am I thankful for this week? Could be red wine (ahem) or the invention of wet wipes in travel packs (amen) - you just never know. Converstation Friday: Okay here's where I post cryptic snippets of some converstation that I've either participated in or witnessed this week. Alternately this could be Work In Progress Friday, as I see all the cool craft blogs are doing it, but since this isn't really a craft blog and since the only WIP around here on a Friday will probably be unloading the dishwasher, I thought I'd try and make it more interesting than that. "Blank" Saturday: I've got nothing for Saturday people! So help a girlfriend out, would ya? Drop a comment and give me a suggestion for Saturday's post and I'll pick one and write about it (and plug your blog in the process if you have one). If you don't help out and give me suggestions for Saturday, I'll torture you with really bad lymricks. Here, I'll give you an example: There once was a mother from Kelowna, Who made home made lasagna, She tarried with pride, Mozza cheese by her side, Till her family all weighed 800 pounds. The end. See? Bad. You do not want this, so please for the love of all that is good, give me ideas!! Sketch Book Sunday: I'll dig in and commit to drawing each week so that I can pick something to post for you. I've been meaning to actually flex that muscle for a while now. No time like the present. So there you have it. A plan. From ME! I know, I'm shocked too, but I feel better about this already. NaBloPoMo or die! [EDIT]OOHHHH! One more thing....I'm going to have a prize(s) for the person(s) who actually leave the most comments during the month of November and/or who actually gives me Saturday topics. See, now aren't you glad you stopped by??

Sha-Na-Na....

2006-10-23T14:36:00.000-07:00

Beware the frosty winds of November for they bring with them madness and mayhem....bwa-ha-ha. No? Hmmm, okay. I know, you are a savvy bunch so I'll skip the dramatics and head straight to the point. Has anyone heard of NaNoWriMo? Well, the folks over at NaNoWriMo started this thing a while back where a bunch of wild and crazy wannabe writer types sign on to write their great (or not so great) novel in one month - specifically the month of November. [Thus my sad attempt at mellow drama up there that probably just left you scratching your heads and wondering 'what in the world is she talking about NOW?!] Yeah I signed up a couple of years ago thinking OF COURSE(!) this will be just the thing to get me writing and to perculate my creativity! Of course I could only come up with a brilliant title for my non-existent work - "The Fabricated Goddess". Don't look at me like that! I couldn't let the title go to waste! Alas, though, a novel just seems so, um, big and um, a lot of work. You know? Fast forward to yesterday when I popped over to Kerflop, formerly Very Mom, to find that she and Mrs. Kennedy over at Fussy are launching a NaBloPoMo or National Blog Posting Month! Wherein a bunch of neurotic bloggers pledge to BLOG OR DIE every day in November! Yay! Sound like fun, right? Well okay, my idea of fun, then. Anyway. I'm going to attempt to do this because let's face it 1) this blog is getting lame with all my cryptic half-told stories that read like lists (yes I am aware) and 2) what the hell am I thinking???? don't I have enough on my plate already? Well, really, what's one more thing. So. Starting November 1st, I will be posting EVERY DAY. Good gravy, brace yourselves! Okay, then. I'm off to make a list of things that I might write about in the coming month. This is purely for your protection. You can thank me later. PS....thanks for all the recent comments.....I may need more of that type of support to actually achieve this challenge. So, if you stop by to see what I'm writing, drop a comment. Every little bit of encouragement counts!

And the word of the day is....

2006-10-17T12:57:00.000-07:00

D-O-N-E Like dinner. Like road kill. Like a tissue that's been through the wash. Done. Want a list of the things I'm done with? 1. The whining. 2. The incessant whining. (okay that one goes directly to me, but it's still on the done list.) 3. Belligerent confrontations at the front door - while it's open - with one 4 year old over coats, shoes, socks etc. etc. etc. ad nauseum. 4. Belligerent negotiations (that go on forever - Lord help me and the rest of the world if he decides to use his powers for evil instead of good) over every blinking thing that he is asked/expected/requested of to do. 5. Chances. I'm soooo done with giving chances. 6. Privileges! Earn 'em. Yeah, you heard me. They aren't requirements in your daily extistence any more. 7. All back talk. 8. All bad attitudes. 9. All sassy and disrespectul lip. 10. All slamming of doors. 11. All excuses for not following the rules and regulations that go with being a member of this family. Saying you didn't hear me or that you forgot isn't going to fly. Pay attention now, 'cause I'm only saying this once: I'm NOT kidding.